I’m happy. Winston is happy. Our baby is happy and loves it when he speaks. He’s been very good to me. Everything should be perfect, but something feels off. It’s been a while since I’ve lived with anyone, so I know I need to give us time to adjust to constantly being in each other’s space. But he’s been weird. I know I sleep hard, but I know when someone’s in the bed with me and he hasn’t come to bed ever since he got here. He stays up late, and when I ask if he’s coming to bed, he says not yet and don’t wait up. One night, I got up to pee and saw he wasn’t even in the house. I found him outside, chilling by the pool.
He was too far away to make out his expression, but he sat there so still, staring at the water as if being hypnotized by it. I wanted to go to him, but clearly he’s trying to hide whatever has him so encumbered. It’s ok if he still has concerns about being a parent. The classes and counseling weren’t designed to allay all our fears. I still have them! I hope he doesn’t feel like he can’t talk to me. We’re in this together. Forever!
