We took Emmy to the community BBQ. I’m ashamed to say I’d done a poor job of sharing Sulani culture with my child. It’s just so hard to work and keep a toddler fed, entertained, and out of trouble while also educating her. I enjoy being her mom, but I needed to get out of that house and spread my social butterfly’s wings! She clung to me and looked concerned at first. I guess seeing fire for the first time and being surrounded by more than three strangers would do that.
Winston was cross all night, and it was so embarrassing. As stated previously, I am not the manager of his feelings. I will not poke and prod until he fesses up. But I recognized that this was not the norm. Outside of the pregnancy debacle, I’d never seen him upset before. He’s always chill and frankly seems to take everything with a grain of salt. So, as soon as we lost our audience, I got to work. In a sweet, calm voice, I told him to tell me what bothered him. I’ve learned some things about his kind. I can’t ask closed-ended questions because he’ll shut me out with one-word answers every single time. I thought he’d punk out again and say everything was fine, but to my surprise, he gave me the whole enchilada.
The other day, I asked about marriage and accused him of not wanting to be a family, apparently. I plead the fifth. He said I didn’t leave any room for him to be part of the family—especially with Emerald. I am always with her. Apparently I accused him of being a dead-beat dad, in so many words. How could he be a good father if he never gets a chance to parent her? He alleged I also accused him of not doing anything to help. He does help, but I don’t appreciate it and act like he’s not good enough for this family. The cherry on top was her last name. All the aforementioned thoughts on top of this made him feel like I had cropped him out of the picture. Why should he want to marry into that?
At first, I wanted to call cowplant poop on ALL those points. He gets plenty of opportunities to take care of Emmy and wastes them! Besides, I am fast-paced and he needs to be faster if he wants to keep up with me. If he thought I’d live in a dirty house and let my child go hungry in hopes he’ll pitch in, he thought so very wrong! But I reeled it back and considered to whom I was speaking. Winston likes to feel wanted. As much as I hate it, he likes it when I ask him to do things; I almost never do. I just do it all myself because he appears to be unmotivated and disinterested. I was glad to find out that may not be the case, but sweet plum juice! How could I know these things? I am on a steep learning curve in this relationship. I apologized for making him feel unwanted and promised to do better and asked for the same. As much as his words hurt my ego, I enjoyed that conversation. I hope we’ll have more of them.
