Needless to say, nothing caught my eye at the festival. And after thoroughly embarrassing my sweetheart, I thought it was best to take my non-nerdy self home. On the way, I considered my conversation with Billie and realized, whether voluntary or involuntary, almost everyone in my life knows my dirty deeds now. I’ve confronted everyone. Everyone except Dwayne, that is. Suddenly I felt sick. I thought I aired my dirty laundry, but it’s his too, and I did so without permission. I don’t mean to say I think I need it, but I should have at least given him a heads up. It’s his life too. I hope no one has been unkind to him.
I took a detour to straighten things out, for he’s surely upset with me. My stomach plunged as I climbed those steps again. Is it bad I was nervous yet a little excited to see him again? As if he hadn’t gotten me into enough trouble. But he’s still my best friend, and I still… Nevermind.
I knocked, but he didn’t answer. He works from home, so I knew he was there. I tried the doorknob, and it was open, so I let myself in and called for him. Again, no answer. I found him in the backyard, and he did not look happy to see me.
“What are you doing here? I have no more business for you to put in the street.”
Ouch. “I’m sorry, Dwayne. You know that’s not what I was trying to do.”
“Oh. Right. I’m just collateral damage. I’m expendable to you.”
I gasped. “How can you say that?”
“It’s true. You use me and throw me away. That’s what you do.”
“I beg your pardon? You’re the one who came onto me! Don’t get it twisted!”
His eyes widened and jaw dropped in shock. “You really believe that?”
“What else am I supposed to believe? That I got in your face and blew up my life?”
He blinked a few times in disbelief. “Yeah… That’s exactly what happened.”
“Cowplant poop!!”
“Listen to yourself, Ki! Regardless of who started what, you decided not to stop. You can’t blame any of this on me!”
I couldn’t believe what he was saying. He thinks he’s innocent now??
“Think about it,” he said. “I’m your friend. Why would I want to ruin your marriage? When have I ever given you that impression? I always follow your lead!”
“What are you saying, Dwayne?”
“Everything we do…how we are with each other…it’s because you want it that way.”
“What does that mean??”
He paused, weighing his words and averting his eyes. My stomach clenched in anticipation of this explanation.
“I, uhh…I haven’t been honest with you.”
My breaths heaved, and that prickly feeling spread across my body. What is this about??
“You always had everyone’s attention. I didn’t want to be yet another scrub trying to holla, but…I wanted to.”
My jaw dropped and eyes open wide as the sky. All this time, he wanted me?! What is happening??
“But you were all up in Devonte’s face and drooling over Laurant on the side. You didn’t need me in the mix, so I played it cool. I’m always cool. You said we would never work, so I left it alone. I played it cool. You needed a friend anyway. In El Selvadorada, you started it. You started it every time…including last time. I never take more than what you offer, Ki. I’d never do that. You were married! I kept a respectful distance. How could you think I’d interfere with that?”
“But… You were so close to me! You were in my face!!”
“I was just gonna grab your hand! It was a comforting gesture! You read more into it, KiKi.”
I got in his face? I scooted over?? It’s all my fault??? I mean, I know it’s my fault, but 100%? He didn’t tempt me?? But… That’s just… I’m a monster!!
