Ali left us, and Luca attacked me with the best hug he could muster. He squeezed so tight, I’d need a crowbar to get him off me—not that I wanted to get away from him. It got me thinking. Luca always misses me immensely. Is it just because I’m his mother and he wants me around? Or, is it because Ali is too stressed to be fun dad anymore? I don’t doubt he’s doing the best he can, but sometimes I wonder how he’s coping with the kids. I’d love to ask, but I’m afraid of how it may come off. After all, I caused this mess. He wouldn’t want to talk about it with me, anyway.
Alessia finally noticed me and almost knocked me over. She’s so fast! I wonder if she’ll have any interests in sports. I think that would be cool. Seeing her cute face filled me with mixed emotions. She’s getting so big, so fast, and I want life to slow down just a taste. Especially because I’m not around for their daily lives. It saddened me to notice she had all her teeth now, and the front two have a gap just like her brother. I’m missing so much!
We went inside, and the kids yelled excitedly, trying to beat the other at telling me ALL the things all at once. Some kind of way I got involved and told a story fully equipped with sound effects and characters with voices. I thought it was epic, but I think it freaked them out. Tee hee. It was so fun swapping stories with them.
Ali came from wherever he went—probably the bathroom—doing whatever he needed to do to endure my presence. Hmph. I’m not mad. I said I didn’t need to know. But… It’s just that he seemed exceptionally bothered. If me being there upset him so much, why didn’t he just tell me to go home? Did I mess up some plans? He could have told me. I would understand. Instead, he sat there, glaring at me. But this is Ali, though. He would never deny the kids time with me. And he doesn’t hold anything inside. He’s probably trying to join in the fun while being in turmoil on the inside.
At some point, he went into the kitchen. I heard the fridge open and dishes clanging. When I could break away from the kids, I joined him to see if he needed help.
“Hey,” I said hesitantly. “Can I do anything?”
“No. Thanks, though.”
Heaviness coated his voice like wax. But the sweetness everyone loves was still there. Whatever he’s feeling, it’s something he’ll have to get past. And no matter how badly I want to hug him and ask about it, I have to let him get through it. To get both our minds off it, I focused on the very strange dinner he prepared.
“Is that…pie?”
Those icy blues cut toward me before going back to the stove. “I promised the kids we could have pie for dinner if they did their homework every day this week.”
Oh no. The opposite of my earlier thoughts is going on. He’s not dragging the kids down. My babies are taking advantage of him!
“They’re not doing their homework?”
He sighed. “It’s like herding cats, honestly.”
“I’m sorry, Ali. Should I…do you want me to talk to them?”
He threw up his hands. “Be my guest.”
I hate this for him. He’s so nice. It must be hard to juggle their feelings with his own while trying to make sure they feel extra loved in my absence. Discipline and rules don’t fit well in that scenario. I’m not so naïve to think my babies are on their best behavior all the time, but I have to admit to being surprised at this information. We’ll have to have a little chat after dinner.
