I awoke early enough the next day to take my time and get the nerves out of my system. I cleaned out the refrigerator and made a healthy breakfast to fuel myself for this very exciting day. If I slept last night, it must have been very brief because my mind wouldn’t stop racing, asking questions and making up scenarios. I was too excited—and very nervous—about starting work today! I really hope there’s more to the job than filling out reports. And I also hope this won’t be the kind of job where they expect me to take work home. I mean, if I have to, but I don’t want it to interfere with family time when I have my kids.
The day went by as expected. I met what felt like 17,000 people, sat through boring meetings, and trained all day. Usually busy days like that zipped by, but because I was anxious to spend time with my littles, it dragged on but in an exciting way like waiting for contractions to start. My babies ran around in my mind all day. I feel like I’ve failed them, honestly. I dreamed of them my entire life. Motherhood was the only thing I ever aspired to. It started out great and was everything I wanted it to be. Having Luca changed my world in so many good ways, and Alessia was a pleasant surprise. I looked forward to caring for them and shaping their futures every day, but we don’t even live together anymore, and I must do all I can on a part-time basis. This isn’t what I wanted for myself, and I certainly never intended to cause pain for my children. Yet here we are.
After work, I went home to change clothes quickly and ran to the restaurant to meet Ali and the kids. We arrived almost at the same time, so he hugged them, told them to be good, and left them in my care. They were so happy to be hanging out with me, but also this was their first time eating out.
Mr. Castillo, Trever and Gemma’s dad, was our server. It shocks me a little when I run into my friends’ parents, and I must remind myself that many of them are much younger than my parents and still living. I’m glad for them. But sometimes I’m a little jealous too. I’d give anything to have my parents back right now. He barely remembered me, but I didn’t expect him to. I never went to their house, and Gemma and I didn’t start hanging out until the end of high school. He was very kind, though, and brought Luca and Alessia some placemats to draw on. I used to do the same thing when I was their age, too. It’s cool that restaurants still do that. Technology can’t replace everything.
As they colored, I told them about my day, not that it was terribly exciting. They probably forgot about me starting a new job, but that’s ok. They finished their masterpieces in perfect time as the food arrived. We ate and chatted, but as always, the teasing began for no apparent reason. I’m learning that’s just part of sibling life, but honestly I don’t like it. How can saying hurtful things to someone be fun? What’s the point of it? Alessia is ruthless and keeps going and going, and Luca is sensitive and always gets offended.
Or maybe he’s not and simply exercises more restraint than her. After all, he is a little older. It’s amazing the difference a few days make. But out of the blue, Alessia will say something Luca thinks is absolutely hilarious. The fighting stops, and life is normal again. They are so interesting to watch. I’m glad to have more than just an evening with them and can’t wait to learn what they like and experience their developing personalities.
