After dinner, we arrived at home, and a feeling of calm and relief met me at the door. As I said before, all I ever wanted to do was have children. I have them, and now they’re back in my home. Despite my life falling apart, having them back makes my life feel oddly complete and makes sense. I don’t have to look at Luca’s toy on the coffee table and cry because I miss him. I can return it to him because he’s upstairs where he belongs. I tucked my children into their beds and went to sleep with a full heart. This weekend, I’ll take everything slow and savor every moment as if it were my last.
Family Day couldn’t have fallen on a more perfect day. It was the last day of summer, and I intended to close out the season with a bang. My first thought was to take the kids to the pool in downtown Willow Creek, but it rained. But where was it not raining? Sulani! There’s more to do at the beach than the pool, anyway.
When we arrived at the beach, Luca and Alessia stood at the entrance, staring at each other. They almost looked like they were communicating telepathically or something. Did they remember the last time we were here? They couldn’t; they were so young then. Alessia had just aged up, and I had to explain how death worked for Luca after his birthday. There’s no way they remember losing their precious Gammy. They were probably just doing sibling things—having a staring contest or whatever. It took them a few minutes to come out of whatever trance they were in, but afterward they were happy as clams and I was glad. I didn’t want them burdened by sour memories on our exciting day out.
My children differ from me when I was their age. I was so attached to Mommy and still had a good case of stranger danger, you’d never catch me walking up to random strangers and striking up conversations. Heh, Mommy probably wouldn’t let me do it, anyway. But that’s exactly what my children do. I think it’s great. I want them to be fearless and go after what they want. Be a thousand times better than me.
Last time we were at this beach, I barely had time to relax. I was so busy running behind my toddlers, keeping them entertained, fed, and out of water deeper than their knees. But not this time. They can swim and feed themselves now. I don’t need to hover over them like my mom did. I think a little freedom is good for them. So I found a floating lounge chair and got me a sweet tan!
I watched the kids build a sand creature while I lounged and noticed Luca glancing at me now and then. Was he making sure I didn’t swim away and leave them? Making sure I was still alive and not taken under by sirens? Whatever it was, it was cute, and I appreciated his concern. I waved at him just in case it was a wellness check. Tee hee hee.
