When I woke up, I felt a thousand times better than when I slept. I may not be Mrs. Murillo in a few hours, but it doesn’t have to affect my life. I’m still Emmy, and redefining her has been fun. And it’s not like this came from nowhere. We’ve been anticipating this day for a while. I’ve mourned this situation over and over, and now it’s time to move on. So I put a smile on my face, ate breakfast, got dressed, and did a little jig for good measure before heading out.
Ali and I decided not to get lawyers. We separated amicably and had already worked out our terms, so there was nothing for the judge to consider, really. Why waste money on lawyers only to get the results we wanted? As much as I wanted the kids to live with me, it was more important to us they remain as emotionally whole as possible. They’ve just now gotten used to living at Ali’s house and love looking forward to spending time with me on the weekends. It doesn’t seem right to upset their routine for my benefit. Especially with their birthdays around the corner. Who knows what extra emotions their teen days will bring.
The judge settled one item, which was child support, but we expected that. I’ll pay Ali a small percentage of my net worth every two weeks. Heh, looks like those promotions came in handy, because my savings will disappear quickly.
With the tap of a gavel, a big chunk of my life disappeared into thin air. I’m single again. Emotions stirred around in my belly, threatening to make me sick, but I swallowed them. I told myself, I’ve mourned this already, and there’s no need to waste more tears. But I still needed a distraction to keep my emotions in check, so I went to the maker’s space to craft more candles because my inventory was low.
I worked almost robotically. There was no passion or joy in my movements, and I wasn’t careful as I usually am. Little thought went into my creation, and after a while, I felt guilty. My clients don’t deserve this. The quality of my products can’t slip now. Not when I’m just getting started. Besides, the escape I was looking for didn’t exist. I can keep plastering smiles on my face and tell myself to move on as much as I want. But doing so doesn’t change the facts. My marriage is officially over, and I’m sad about it.
That’s allowed, right? I know I’m the one that torched it to the ground, but that doesn’t mean I’m glad to be free of it. Quite the opposite. I never had delusions of Ali taking me back. But now that possibility has been erased completely. I’ve lost him forever.
