I never wanted to be a burden to my children. I also do not enjoy the idea of leaning on them. It seems backward to find comfort and strength in someone you’re supposed to be strong for and comfort. But to be completely honest, I have found that having my children this weekend has been a gift from the Watcher, and I regret my thoughts about skipping this week’s visit if I could. Their love has cheered me in a way I didn’t expect. Having them during this sad time helped put things into perspective as well. What I’m about to say may seem indelicate, but hear me out. In the grand scheme of things, all I ever wanted was my kids. Yes, I would go back to Ali in a heartbeat if he wanted me, but as long as I have my children, I’ll be alright. Divorce hurts, but one day it won’t hurt anymore. But if something ever happened to my children, I don’t think I’d live through it. My relationship is over, but I got what I wanted from it. I’m going to be ok.
Alessia must be an early bird like Ali. She’s always up when I make breakfast. Today, she was quiet and kept looking at me. “Mommy?” she said, finally.
“Less?”
“Where is your ring?”
(sigh) So Luca isn’t the only observant one, eh? I should have known. “It’s ummmm… I’m not gonna wear it anymore.”
“But why? It’s so pretty.”
“Because I’m not!”
I didn’t mean to yell. It was an innocent question. I honestly don’t know why it upset me. I thought I was ok today. This grieving process really sucks.
