I had a dream about Hunter. We played together like we used to and went for long walks, but he followed me everywhere. I found him at work, the maker’s space, and everywhere I took my children. He never engaged and remained in the periphery. He even kept watch even as I slept like a guardian angel. I guess I just miss him a lot. Shiloh too. I think it’s definitely time for another dog. Because the children may live here soon, I’ll get them involved in the decision-making process.
After work that night, I met my kids at the same restaurant from our first weekend together. I think this Friday night dine-out thing is quickly becoming a habit. I don’t mind, and the kids’ certainly do not.
Luca was texting furiously when I arrived. Heh, I remember those days when my friends and online presence were my entire world. When my parents got married, Mommy offered me an opportunity to change my last name to Crenshaw. But I was already @kiki_p everywhere. Some kids at school even called me that. I could have easily changed to @kiki_c, but the thought of changing my identity was devastating despite how much I loved my daddy and wanted to have his last name. It’s crazy what’s important to us at that age.
We walked into the restaurant and waited for the host to finish making reservations for someone on the phone before requesting a table. He was incredibly handsome. Like, he had no business being that old and that fine. I’d always heard people talking about silver foxes but had never met an elderly man I found extremely attractive until now. He had such a pleasant face and looked like a genuinely nice guy. I imagined he’d never cheated on a test in school, helped old ladies cross the street, and all that stuff from the movies. Hopefully, he has a bunch of grandchildren running around because the world needs more of his genes.
When he greeted us, I heard a familiar accent and asked if he was from Sulani, and he said yes. We spoke briefly about our histories, and it turns out he knew my mother. Of course he did. Mommy knew everyone on those islands. Talking with him, I was a bit more smiley and giggly than I wanted to be, and I felt super silly when I saw my kids making eyes at each other. I hope they don’t think I want to date him or anything. I was just caught completely off guard! To make matters worse, he told me his name was Duane. That was enough to wipe that silly grin off my face. I swear the universe is dead set on me figuring out my feelings. Whoever you are up there pulling the strings, I’m doing it! Geez! I don’t need to be reminded every other day!
“We are very busy tonight,” he said. “I hope outside is ok.”
He seated us near the table we sat at the first time we were here. Hopefully, the weather holds up because it had been overcast all day. Thankfully, the weather in Willow Creek is still pretty mild late fall, so it wasn’t too chilly.
As soon as Duane disappeared into the restaurant, my children wasted no time hammering me with questions. I honestly didn’t think they would. I figured they’d let it go and talk about it between themselves later. It’s weird. I mean, I didn’t mind them asking, and I’ll never lie to them. I just never imagine I would discuss my feelings for another man with my children. Like, I know I’m divorced, and I’ve gotten used to my new normal, but now and then something happens that kinda slaps me in the face and reminds me the life I’m living is completely opposite of what I wanted for us.
“You like that guy, Mama?” Luca asked.
“Right? She was totally cheesing,” Alessia said.
How embarrassing!! “Guys, chill. I just thought he was handsome. You can appreciate someone’s good looks without liking them, you know.”
This conversation highlighted so many things, and dread washed over me. One day, we’ll have to talk about woohoo and other things they should know. I… I can’t. I don’t know how I would even begin a conversation like that. Maybe Ali will talk to Luca. I hope Alessia can be patient with me.
“Did you and daddy talk about us living with you yet?” she asked.
Luca chimed in. “Yeah, what did he say?”
“Uhh…no. Not yet. But I promise we’ll talk soon.”
“When?? It’s soooooo boring over there!”
Suddenly, some things became clear. I thought she lived on the monkey bars because she had so much energy and needed to expend it. But maybe she spent so much time climbing because that was literally all there was to do at Ali’s house. She might not even have an interest in sports, but I’m not gonna give up on that yet.
“I know, baby. Trust me, I want you to live with me. I’ve always wanted that. But this is a sensitive matter, and we can’t rush it. Your dad and I both love you so much, and we each want you to live with us. It’s not as simple as you think.”
I knew they would have 1000 more questions, but this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have in public. Luckily for me, the food came…and the rain.
