I woke up with exactly one thing in mind, as if the Watcher were waiting for my eyes to open to plant this seed, reminding me of the promise I made last week. A sense of urgency fell on me unlike any other time in my life, so I knew today had to be the day. I threw my legs over the bed, forcing myself upright, and let out an exasperated sigh. Today I must figure out my feelings toward Dwayne.
I called work and informed them I wouldn’t be in today. My thoughts paralyzed me for a moment. How do I go about this? Am I ready for it? I suppose my readiness doesn’t matter since the universe seems set on making me figure this out. I’m kinda nervous though.
I had leftovers for breakfast and tried to think of any and everything else, like how my kids were doing in school and how Ali will cope without them. But no matter how hard I tried, my mind went back to the task ahead. So I went for a jog to clear my mind and hopefully ease the nerves.
I felt no more confident when I got home, but at least I had a plan. When I was a teenager, I had mean girl problems and didn’t know how to handle them. Mommy suggested I start a blog and write out my feelings. She said writing had a way of opening your mind and closing out the world, so it’s just you and your thoughts. You can untangle the truth and figure out almost anything if you write it out, she said. It sounded kind of magical, so I tried it. Putting my thoughts on the Internet was not my idea of fun, so I didn’t stick with it. But maybe I can still tap into this magic. Instead of blogging, I could write in a journal. That seems to be all the rage now. So, I grabbed a blank notebook from Alessia’s room, sat at the dining table, and hoped for a painless journey through the dark and hidden parts of my heart.
