I honestly didn’t know if they needed all that detail, but it’s out in the world now. I only hoped they would treat it with gentleness and grace, but I knew that was wishful thinking. Luca sat there with his mouth gaped as he processed my story. Alessia glared at me through narrowed eyes for a moment before shrugging off whatever went on in her head.
“It’s okay, Mommy. Nobody stays married these days.”
I didn’t particularly enjoy her sentiment, but I was really glad she didn’t hate me. We could revisit her statement when she’s older, I guess. If relationships weren’t on her mind yet, that was perfectly fine by me.
“Luca? How does that make you feel?”
He hesitated for a while.
“It’s okay if you’re mad at me. You can tell me.”
“I guess… I’m…really surprised?” he said. “I don’t know what to say.”
I exhaled the breath I held. I could handle confliction. True, he could still hate me, but it looked like he may not.
“Okay. That’s fine. You don’t have to say anything. I know it’s a lot. You can sit with it for a while, and we can talk about it later if you want.”
“Do you still want to be with him? Your friend?” Alessia asked.
“I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet.”
Thinking about that, though… Anything I did affected them, especially because they lived here now. Maybe finding out how they’d feel would be smart. “If I did, would that be weird for you?”
Luca had trouble making eye contact with me. “Yeah? I mean…that would be messed up, I think.”
“I don’t care,” Alessia said. “You should be with whoever makes you happy. I hope you figure it out soon.”
I smirked at her immature version of wisdom. I appreciated her indifference for that moment, but I wanted her to care about something. “Thanks…I think. You two make me happy, and you’re the only ones I want to be with right now.”
A tiny half-smile flashed across Luca’s face, and I had ideas about why. But he still seemed uncertain.
“Do you guys have more questions for me?”
They looked at each other and shook their heads.
“Okay. I feel like you guys need some time to process this, so I’m gonna go. But, for the record, I’m sorry. I never wanted this for our family, and I wish I could fix it. But because this is our life now, I want you to know you are my top priority. I love you two more than anything, and I’m sorry I did this to you.”
I didn’t blame them for not knowing how to respond to that. I didn’t know what to do after that either and exited the room.
“I don’t blame her for finding someone else,” Alessia said as I crossed the threshold. “Daddy is so boring!”
“Shhh! She can still hear you! And don’t talk about Dad like that. He’s just sad. At least we know why, now.”
I’m glad Luca took up for Ali. Not sure what I’m going to do about Alessia, though. I admire her courage and freedom to speak her mind, but she needs to learn it’s unnecessary to say everything that comes to mind.
