My mind drifted as I did the rest of the chores. The previous night’s conversation echoed in my head, for some reason. Gemma called Diamond’s sentiments baby fever. I knew what that was, of course. But as much as I talked about having children in my younger days, I honestly could not recall ever having it. Maybe I did once when I met Darius. Is that weird? Having children was less a biological urge and more a goal I focused on with laser-like precision. When I accomplished it, I was good. My second child came sooner than I planned, but I definitely wanted more than one. But my babies are almost grown now, so whether or not I had the fever was pointless. Still, it made me wonder. How did I not have it more often? What did that say about me?
Later, I did some candle business stuff like reordering dyes, replying to messages, and re-listing items that hadn’t sold. Dwayne came to mind. It’s so weird how random our brains were sometimes. Although I wasn’t ready, it was kinda nice to see him the other day. How was he? What had he been up to? Did he have a girlfriend yet? No, of course he didn’t. He wasn’t like Laurant and would never leave the door open for me while being with someone else. I kept thinking I should call him…just to chat and catch up. But that thought made me nervous. This friendship still conflicted my feelings. On the one hand, I wanted to rekindle our friendship because I missed my best friend. But on the other hand, even if friendship was all we ever had, my association with him might still offend others. So I suppose the question then became, would I let others’ opinions govern what I did or did not do? For the moment, my curiosity got the better of me, and I had to talk to him.
I took out my phone and thought of what to say. My fingers typed and deleted so many sentences. Why was I so nervous?? It’s not like I was asking him out on a date. I’d done much bolder things in my past. The Winter Festival was happening in the park, and I figured he’d be volunteering again like last time. I could ask and tell him I’d be there if he wanted to hang for a minute. Yeah. Good plan. Though showing up without my kids might be sus, but whatever! This was Dwayne, not some rando I just met. I didn’t have to perform for him.
