I showed Alessia how to dice vegetables and what not, thinking she’d grab a cutting board and try it herself. But she stood next to me, smiling. Maybe she thought she’d grasp it by osmosis or something. At least her heart was in the right place…I guess.
Luca sauntered into the kitchen and joined her in spectating. What was I? Pre-dinner entertainment?
As soon as we sat down to eat, her mood changed dramatically. She went from being inspired to mortified in two seconds flat. I’d never seen her so upset before, and I went into a mild panic trying to see what happened. She said she got an awkward text from a classmate. The girl wanted Alessia’s advice on how to tell someone she liked them. At first, the message excited her because she thought the girl was referring to Luca since he’s always making googly eyes at her.
PAUSE!
My son had a crush on someone??!!! How exciting was that?! I wondered why he never told me, but then again, these first crushes could be quite sensitive, so maybe he wasn’t ready. I hoped he’d tell me all about her soon.
Resume.
Alessia thought the girl was asking about Luca, but it turned out she was referring to Alessia. Yikes. I saw where this was going.
My poor baby was so conflicted on top of being embarrassed. Should she tell Luca about this? She didn’t want his feelings to be hurt, but if his crush wasn’t interested in him… Both my children were great catches, and the girl had excellent taste. She’d be lucky to end up with either of them, but Alessia wasn’t into girls and felt weird about that interaction. She didn’t know how to respond without hurting her feelings and giving her the impression she was interested. I wasn’t quite sure what to suggest, as I’d never been in a situation like that before. But I tried. I suggested she be honest and tell the girl she didn’t know the answer. She would either go away and ask someone else if she genuinely wanted her opinion or come straight out and tell Alessia she was the crush. Alessia could then let her down gently…or something.
She seemed to appreciate the advice, and I saw an opportunity I probably wouldn’t get again. I asked if she had a crush on anyone, and she said yes! The mid to late teen days were so exciting, and I was happy for my youngsters. Even if nothing came of these crushes, watching them go through this phase was so fun for me. I asked her to tell me about him, and of course she began by saying how cute he was. He had brown skin and blonde, curly hair, she said. Apparently, he was mixed, just like her and Luca. He kept to himself a lot, which, of course, made her even more curious about him.
She lit up like Winterfest lights as she spoke of him, and it was the cutest thing. I had to find out more but also see where her head was as far as relationships went and everything that came with them. The last thing I wanted was for my children to make the same mistakes I made. But I didn’t want to just dive in and make it all about woohoo, especially if she wasn’t there yet, so I told her about my first crushes, Laurant and Devonte. She was so intrigued when I got to the part about me and my friend Diamond, both liking Laurant but also completely smitten by her twin, Devonte. She asked if I ever kissed them, and despite wanting to know where her head was, I was still surprised.
“Is that something you think you want to do? With Rene?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. I was just curious, I guess.”
An idea fell on me, and I knew how to have The Talk with her.
“Can I tell you a story?” I asked.
She nodded.
“I had my first kiss and first woohoo on the same day within minutes of each other.”
Her eyes were so large, I could see all the follow-up questions incoming.
“It was Devonté. On Love Day.”
Her eyes lit up even more. Maybe we should have moved to the living room. I felt like this conversation needed a cozier environment, but we were already into it.
“He was giving me mixed signals, and I wanted to know once and for all how he felt about me, so I invited him to my house to talk and hang out. At least, that’s what I told myself. What I really wanted was to kiss him, but I guess I wasn’t ready to admit I wanted physical intimacy with someone. My parents were very…loving toward each other, and I wanted that with someone, too. So when he kissed me, I let it happen. And when I realized we were going to do more than kiss, I didn’t say no.”
She looked all kinds of uncomfortable, and we definitely should have gone to the couch.
“Oh, I hope I didn’t scare you. He didn’t force me or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I wasn’t honest with myself about what I wanted, and when it happened, I guess I was a little surprised even though I wanted to do it…if that makes sense.”
She nodded, but still looked uncomfortable. Maybe talking about woohoo for the first time shocked her system. I wasn’t too fond of it either. But it paved the way for my friendship with Mommy I cherished so much. I hoped Alessia would feel the same way later.
Talking about being honest made me think about more recent events.
“Thinking about it,” I began, “I wasn’t honest with myself about the guy I cheated with, either. I told you I had feelings for him for a long time, but I didn’t realize it until too late. I think I knew, but I couldn’t admit it. Especially after I got married. So what I wanted to say is…always be truthful with yourself. Even if it’s something bad, like having feelings for someone else when you’re in a relationship. You can’t do anything about it until you face it head on. Lying to yourself has consequences.”
The uncomfortable look melted away slowly, and I was glad. Maybe that meant she learned something. Her new expressed looked surprised, probably that I admitted to all that.
“Maybe if I would have admitted it long time ago, I wouldn’t have met and married your dad. I mean, I’m glad I met your dad. I loved him. And I wouldn’t have you if I didn’t. But look what happened. I hurt everyone and destroyed my marriage. So…yeah… Be honest with yourself. And think about what you do and who you do it with. And don’t give yourself to jerks. You’re not doing it yet, are you?”
“UUUUGGGGGHHHHH!! Why’d you have to ruin it?!”
