My turkey was perfect, and our conversations were even better. I enjoyed not worrying about someone else’s feelings and what not to say. That’s why we were friends. It’s just so easy! We spent most of dinner catching up on the latest happenings in our life. Dwayne liked his new job so far, though he wasn’t sure what exactly the company did. They had way more equipment in the lab than needed for synthesizing serums and analyzing metals. And there was an entire floor he didn’t have access to. For a company that claimed to produce life enhancing products, it had an overabundance of communications equipment. He suspected they contact aliens and maybe even experiment on them. I wasn’t sure where I stood on their existence.
I told him about my kids’ crushes and the house I’d found. He’d been to that neighborhood and said it was nice. Lots of cute bungalows and a park. It’s attractive for young couples looking to start a family, apparently. I only hoped to have cool neighbors. Courtyard Lane was kind of dead with one empty house, one neighbor I didn’t like, and another I’d never met.
After dinner, we retired to the living room and continued our conversation. Dwayne asked how I got into crafting candles. Telling him about Ali’s dream was sad, but I enjoyed recanting the parts about practicing, improving, and the positive reception on Plopsy. It was 100% my business now, and I even had Ali’s blessing.
Dwayne gazed at me inquisitively.
“It’s interesting we’re both doing something the other didn’t expect. I didn’t peg you for a crafter.”
“Yeah…me neither. I’d never worked with my hands like that before. Ali told me I was a natural. My first candle was perfect. I don’t know… I just ended up falling in love with it.”
He smiled warmly.
“We’ve been friends all this time, but we’re still learning about each other,” he said like an epiphany.
I considered his statement.
“I guess that makes sense. We’ve never spent time together like this before. Well, except…the jungle.“
He smirked.
“That’s cuz you was always chasing after some dude,” he said and winked at me.
I feigned disgust.
“I beg your pardon! Finding a husband was serious business! I couldn’t waste time with the likes of you.”
He laughed so hard; I thought he’d fall over.
Though it was a joke, I saw another opportunity to ask a question that had been boring a hole in my brain ever since the affair. Despite knowing I could trust him not to jump to conclusions or get the wrong idea, I was still afraid to ask. My first opportunity was when he apologized to me, but I wasn’t ready to get into any conversations with him that night.
“Dwayne?”
“Yeah…”
“I need to ask you something. I’m not judging you. Watcher knows I have no room. But…something has been bothering me for a while.”
“Come on now, Ki. You know how we do. Say what you need to say.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “We talked about this already, but I need to understand something. Were you waiting around for me to cheat on Ali all that time?”
His eyes flicked open, as if surprised by my question. It wasn’t every day someone asked if it was your goal to sabotage someone else’s marriage.
He sat silently, staring at the floor, giving the question serious thought. Honestly? I didn’t expect him to think on it that hard. I thought for sure this would cause our first fight.
“No,” he said confidently. “At least not consciously. I told you before, I was holding onto the idea of us and should have let it go a long time ago. You kept telling me to date, and that wasn’t bad advice. But I couldn’t jump into a relationship knowing my heart was somewhere else. It wouldn’t be right.”
I gasped.
“So you’ve never been with anyone else?”
“I didn’t say that.”
I knew Dwayne wasn’t the home-wrecking type, but it relieved me to know, officially, that was not his goal.
Another question came to mind that made me even more nervous. We were doing well as friends, and I still hadn’t decided if I wanted to give a relationship a shot. But despite knowing he had things he needed to work through, the idea of him moving onto someone else pained me. I needed to know where he stood. Maybe it would help me decide.
“So…where is your heart now?”
Dwayne squirmed and sighed a lot as he considered his answer, and I got even more nervous. Maybe his fresh start didn’t include me and he was trying to think of a way to let me down gently. Maybe I needed to move on, too. Was this not the same situation Mommy told me to get out of? But I-
“My heart is still right here…if you want it.”
I smiled softly and nodded.
“That’s good to know.”
“I think you misunderstood me,” he said. “Letting go of us doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. I just needed to free myself from it. That thing had me in a chokehold and held me back in a lot of ways, so I let it all go. I needed to be in a place where I’d be okay if nothing happens.”
“Wow,” I said. “That’s…so mature.”
I thought about how I had to let Tofu go. Glaring at my daughter behind her back and being passive aggressive was not mature. How was it, at this age, I still had growing up to do? At least I knew he wasn’t running away. Now I needed to decide what I wanted in all this.
