As if my day weren’t already plummed up, I stormed into the house to find it completely a mess! Dishes from yesterday greeted me with a rude whiff of spoiled food. And Tofu, my sweet Tofu, played blissfully in a pile of trash. A pile of trash?? Did I raise animals? Who drops trash and leaves it on the floor?? I scolded Tofu, letting her know it was not okay to play in the trash. It was a miracle she didn’t need a bath afterward. But that face. I couldn’t stay mad at that face for long.
Alessia side eyed me as if to think I was crazy. She grabbed food from the fridge and walked right past the trash! I couldn’t be the only one who saw the mess! I refused to believe my children had suddenly turned into slobby pigs after being so helpful to me all their lives.
I shooed Tofu away from the mess, bagged it up, and put it in the trash can.
“I’m not the only one who lives here, you know,” I shouted.
She said nothing and walked away.
I meant what I said. I shouldn’t be the only one cleaning up after everyone. Their birthdays were both within one week! It was past time for them to take responsibility for their home. If they moved out, what will they do? Heh, they’d probably have the most spotless home I’d ever seen. They only let things slide because I allowed it. I had news for them. New house, new rules!
Still, I recognized I was more angry than I needed to be. Alessia might be a sassy pants and blurred the lines of our relationship, but being rude wasn’t her M.O. Maybe I startled her. They didn’t see me upset a lot, so maybe she didn’t know how to respond. Clearly, I needed to get myself together, so I changed my clothes, grabbed Tofu, and went for a walk.
I returned home without a furrowed brow and wrinkled lips, but I wasn’t okay. My job aimed to destroy my life, and I let it. I’d been talking about quitting for weeks now and still hadn’t done it for whatever reason. I came home tense more often than I cared to admit, and now it affected how my kids behaved toward me. Why continue putting myself under all that stress? I didn’t need that job. Tomorrow will be the day I tell those cowplant turds to kiss my fat plum!
I ambled to the kitchen for leftovers and found Luca finishing his dinner. I laid into him.
“You and Alessia need to help around the house more. You’re almost grown and I’m still picking up after you guys and cleaning your messes! You’re supposed to learn how to operate in the real world when you’re young and living at home, not when you get out there. Do better!”
I crammed a few fork fulls of food into my mouth, barely chewing it and swallowing much too soon.
“Mama? Are you okay?”
For some reason, his question startled me and pulled me out of the red haze I was in. His expression was much like Alessia’s, but softer. That’s when I knew for sure she wasn’t being rude. It was me.
“Clearly not,” I said.
“What’s wrong?”
I inhaled slowly and forced all the air out quickly as I thought of what to tell him. He wouldn’t want to know the details of the work shenanigans, so I gave him the highlights.
“My job. It’s wearing me down. But tomorrow, I’m going to quit and make candles full time.”
“That’s really cool. I wanna be my own boss one day. I don’t think I’d like traditional jobs.”
I smiled softly and was glad to hear him say that. Not that I didn’t want him to have a traditional job, but because he had already begun thinking about his future. We never had enough time together and so we never talked about what he may want to do with his life.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Well… Dad is always tired and has no time. And you’re angry a lot. It just doesn’t seem worth it.”
I laughed. “You know what, son? You’re exactly right.”
I paused briefly to consider his sentiment and my response. He had a point, but I didn’t want to him to think jobs were dumb. Jobs had their place, and he may need one soon. But 9-5s weren’t for everyone.
“My parents worked hard to provide me with a comfortable life when I left them. I still have a lot of that money, so I’m fortunate to not depend on a job. But many people, like your dad, are not that lucky. If you end up needing to get a job, try to get one you’ll enjoy so it’ll be worth it.”
He nodded.
“Am I really angry a lot?”
He nodded again. “You try to hide it, but I can tell.”
“Oh. Well…hopefully I won’t be angry anymore. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
“It’s okay. We dropped the ball today. Sorry.”
At least they hadn’t turned into slobs. Maybe things would be better at the new house.
