I can’t go home. At least not yet. Not like this. I left Dwayne’s and stumbled back outside to wander the neighborhood. I am a terrible sim. An idiot! How I thought I’d be able to kiss him once and go home is beyond me. Like, really, Emmy? Even after discovering he is a problem for me? How could I do this to Ali?? And for no reason! I should have never gone over there. What was it for? Dwayne’s still got it, and if I am completely honest, a small part of me is really giddy right now. But I’m still sad. Mommy is still gone. And now I have to face the innocent one who is going to hurt the most. I accomplished nothing and blew up my life in the process. But maybe it doesn’t have to be like that. One more secret, right? If I can just keep it together and get my story straight, maybe it can remain a secret. I don’t like the idea of lying to my husband, but I hate the idea of hurting him even more. I mean, I’ve already hurt him, but if I can keep him from realizing how badly I hurt him, I’ll be ok living with this burden for the rest of my life.
As I expected, Ali is waiting for me. I saw him sitting in the living room with all the lights on. I bet he’s so sick right now. He has to be at work in a few hours. Idiot! He could have gone to bed if I would have just answered his texts and calls, letting me know I was ok. Why am I like this?! Part of me wants to run away and never return, so I don’t have to see the anguish on his face. But I could never. I have to do this. There is a chance everything will be fine.
He bolted toward the door when he heard my footsteps and attacked me with the tightest hug when I trudged through the door. His arms were supposed to be comforting, but they were weights pressing upon my chest, suffocating me with guilt. Jumbled words spilled out of his mouth like a waterfall, beating me down with love and thoughtfulness I don’t deserve. Deceiving him won’t be easy. If I break down and cry, he’d assume it’s because of the grief. Still, I’m not sure I can pull this off. This entire day has been painful, but which hurts more? Grieving my mother, or betraying my husband?
