I had fun with my girls. And, no, I did NOT tell them about Dwayne’s phenomenal woohoo skills. I don’t mind being honest and telling them what happened. They would have found out some kind of way because Diamond is SUPER nosy. But I draw the line there. I have no desire to share my deep thoughts and complicated feelings with them. I feel like I should want to because I know they desire to have that kind of relationship with me. But I’m just not there. I’m not sure I even know how to have deep friendships like that and am perfectly fine with these shallow relationships. Heh, how messed up is it that all the people I do have deeper friendships with are all guys I’ve had feelings for and are now in the wind? I definitely need a counselor.
It got late, and Gemma’s daughter is still elementary school age, so they left around 11:00. I was in good spirits but still longed for familiar company, so I took Shiloh to the cemetery. Ever since Daddy died, I kept saying I’d go there at night, hoping for a chance to see his ghost, but I never did. Life got busy, and I didn’t prioritize it. Now, with both of them gone and my family in shambles, I have the time.
“Mommy…Daddy…it’s me.”
I’d been without Mommy for almost a week, and standing before their resting places made it just as fresh as finding the urn in her room. But I was determined to keep it together. She wouldn’t want to see me broken.
No sooner than I announced myself, she appeared in a cloud of smoke a very red ghost.
“HOW COULD YOU?!” she yelled.
I froze. Was Diamond right?? My parents are watching over me??? Sweet Watcher!! I shrivelled under the weight of her anger, wishing for the ground to open up and swallow me.
How could she know, though? Ghosts aren’t omniscient. I had to be sure. “H-how did you know?”
“Mrs. Pancakes told me! She saw the whole thing!”
I exhaled in relief. Poor Dwayne, though. Even in death, his mother still stalks him. I wonder if he realizes his parents are still lurking around. Maybe he should move them to the cemetery, too.
“What the plum were you thinking, Emerald?! I warned you about being too close! How could you do this to Ali? To my grandbabies?? He’s been nothing but good to you, and THIS is what you do??!?!? I didn’t raise you like this!!”
“I’M SORRY!!”
“It’s all my fault,” she yelled.
“It’s not your fault, Mommy! You didn’t-”
“I gave you everything! I did everything! Fought all your battles! I never let you fall! I kept you too close and loved you too hard! You live in a fantasy world with no boundaries or consequences, and I put you there!”
“That’s not true!”
“It is true! You were always so responsible! I can’t believe you would allow this to happen! I can’t even look at you right now!!”
“MOMMY!! Wait!”
Shiloh collapsed right in front of us!! When Mommy appeared, she ran. But I suppose after hearing her voice, as echoed as it was, she knew it was Mommy and came to say hi. But she didn’t make it. I wailed so loud; I thought I’d surely die. Somehow, I stayed on my feet.
“Oh, no,” Mommy said. “No, no, no. Not right now, Shiloh. Oh, Watcher. This is not what I want for you, baby.”
The Grim Reaper showed up quietly and searched for Shiloh’s name on its tablet.
I was afraid to say anything, but I just had to try. “E-ex-excuse m-me? P-please. Can I have just one more day? Please? I didn’t get to say goodbye!”
Its dark hood turned toward me. Even without a face and eyes, I felt its icy gaze on me. “This is how it must be.”
With a swipe of its scythe, my fur baby, my first best doggie friend was gone.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” Mommy said, wrapping her arms around me. “I wish you didn’t have to go through all these terrible things alone all at once.”
She squeezed me as I sobbed violently. Oddly enough, her hugs were still just as magical. She was a spirit who could defy physics, but I felt her against me so strong, as if she were still flesh and bone. Good thing too, because I nearly melted into her.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you are strong. You will get through this. You have everything you need to survive if you’d just get out of your own way.”
I could barely stand, but Mommy held me up. She always did. But that’s what moms do, right? How could her awesome mothering be responsible for my shenanigans? That’s a thought for another day. Right now, I don’t even know how I’m getting home!
I was a blubbering mess, and Mommy held me, soothing me as best she could. At some point, I think my body ran out of water. I couldn’t cry anymore and released myself from Mommy’s grasp. I looked at Shiloh’s gravestone and back at Mommy, not believing this was my life now. No parents, no husband, and now no dog. I know cheating on Ali was wrong, but if this is punishment, I don’t feel like it warrants this level of pain!
I didn’t know how long Mommy had before she would disappear, and I certainly didn’t want to spend anymore time in that place, so I said goodbye. “I’m gonna leave her here.”
“Why? She’s your baby. She might visit from time to time.”
“She’s like me and needs familiarity. If she stays here, she’ll have you and Daddy to play with during the day. And when I come here to visit, I can see my whole family all at once.”
“Awwww, my sweet baby. I’m so sorry. We’ll take good care of her. But promise me. This is going to be really hard for you. Promise me you’ll take care of you too.”
All I wanted was to bury myself in bed, never to see the light of day again. But my kids… I can’t have them like that. I’ll take some time and grieve my lost loved ones and learn to live in this new normal. I have to. For them.
“I promise.”
