I put on the bravest face and tucked my children into their beds for the last time for a while. Alessia was none the wiser, but my little buddy was not happy. If only I could magically make things better for us. I had about eight hours before they left. Maybe I could talk to Ali again and convince them to stay. I could offer him our room for more privacy while I bunk with Luca. But with the divorce application already on some salaryperson’s desk, his mind seems pretty made up.
Loud, booming thunder woke me the next morning. I kicked my legs over the bed and dragged myself to Alessia’s room, but she wasn’t there. Luca was gone as well. If I would have known Ali was taking them early this morning, I would have spent more time with them last night! Or I would have woken up earlier! Maybe that’s it. He wanted to avoid a long goodbye. I guess it’s for the best. Luca is already upset. No need to upset him further right before he leaves for school.
It’s crazy how things always go back to their origins. Once again, it’s just me and Shiloh alone in this house. Except now, everywhere I look, I see memories of the life I torched to the ground. The room where my babies slept; The hallway where they took their first steps; The couch Ali and I first made love; The kitchen where we celebrated everything. It’s too much. I tried to pull a page from Mommy’s book and go on business as usual, but I can’t bear it. The reality of my actions came crashing down in a flurry of tears. I ran back to my room and buried myself under the blankets. One day I will have to brave the memories and move on. That is not this day.
