My face and eyes were so red and puffy when I woke up, one may think I’d gotten into a fight. I certainly felt like I’d been fighting. But Ali never laid a hand on me. Even in his anger, he’s much too kind and sweet to ever do anything like that. Still, if he weren’t, I could recover from that. I’d never look at him the same, but eventually I’d get over it. But I don’t think I’ll ever get over him taking my children away from me. That is a wound deeper than any blow he could deal. It’s not permanent—at least it better not be—but I’m still hurt. I’m more than hurt. I’m pissed!
He’s acting like I am completely unfit to be a mother! Like I am a danger to my children! I know I left the kids in the house the other day, but they were fine! I had the situation completely under control! And I didn’t forget Luca’s birthday! I was just super stressed! I couldn’t think beyond my pain and anxiety at that moment. It could have happened to anyone! How does that disqualify me from raising my own children??? I know I have problems I need to work out, but I can get myself together and take care of them too! They are my happiness! My motivation! How will life be good without them??
Alessia made a big stink last night and desperately needed a bath. But I know her. How? Because I am her mother and she spends all her time with ME! She was starving, exactly like I said last night. I could have tried to bathe her and risk being hit and scratched while getting my eardrums blown out. But I took care of breakfast first. Sure, it sucks to sit in your own poop, but there’s no crying or hitting now. Is there? I know how to handle my children! I know what they need! I know how they operate! Ali better know what he’s getting himself into!
