My initial reaction was to tense up and brace for another heated fight. But despite what Dwayne suggested, I still saw Laurant as a friend. He clearly still holds me in high regard. I knew he wouldn’t come to my house to make trouble. Not with my baby in the room, and certainly not while my mom was in the house. I released the tension and melted into the comfy rocking chair.
“Ok,” I said. “Let’s do this.”
“What do you mean?”
I rolled my eyes. “You came here to talk, didn’t you? So let’s talk. What do you want from me? I don’t know how many times I have to tell you to let me go!”
His head dropped into his chest like he gave up. “I know. I know, and I’m sorry.”
I appreciated the apology, but he’s apologized before. He’s like a yo-yo, going from being sorry to repeating the very thing he apologized for. It’s exhausting!
“What do I need to do for us to be friends again?” he asked.
My conflicted heart broke. I wanted to be friends again, but I didn’t want to get caught up in his games. I had something to lose now.
“Laurant,” I said after a long sigh, “I’m not sure that is wise.”
“Why not?”
I’m not sure if Shiloh was looking for me or if she heard Laurant’s voice, but she came in, looking nosy as ever. I forgot she used to like him.
“I’m gonna be brutally honest, ok?”
He nodded.
“I don’t trust you anymore.”
His face looked like my heart, crushed and battered.
I didn’t mean to make him feel bad, but I needed to speak my truth. “I don’t understand you anymore. You keep trying to win me over despite telling you I’m not available. But then you apologize and act like nothing happened. And every time this happens you get more and more aggressive. Your mom died, and I wanted to visit you. I didn’t because I didn’t want to be alone with you. Partly because of my own feelings toward you, but mostly because I didn’t know what you would do.”
“You think I would hurt you??!?!”
“No! Of course not. But you know how we are together. Maybe you’d finally try to kiss me. Maybe I would let you. I don’t know! I didn’t want to find out.”
He sat there blinking at me as if he finally understood. I hope he did because I have no plans to revisit this conversation for a fourth time.
“We’re never gonna be friends again, are we?” he said, less like a question and more like a realization.
I took a deep, courageous breath. “We can be friendly and get our kids together or whatever, but it’s not a good idea for us to be that close again. Aren’t you still seeing that girl? You need to be all in or break it off because she doesn’t deserve this limbo you have her in. Either you like her or you don’t. Choose!”
He, too, sighed. “You’re right. You’re always right. That’s why I keep apologizing. But I guess I’ve just been struggling with the truth. It really does hurt sometimes.”
I feel like I finally got through to him, but only time will if he’ll be able to let go of the fantasy at last.
