Today was most definitely a test of patience. I hoped it would be better, but it seems the Watcher is punishing me already. Despite getting an extra hour of sleep, the children were awful. I don’t blame them, but it was really hard to deal with. Luca misses his gammy, and now I see the other side of the coin. It was great for Mommy to have her grandchildren the last week of her life. But they got used to her being around. Now she’s gone, and they don’t understand death yet. Can anything ever just be good? Why can’t good news exist without bad news? Why does everything need an underbelly?
Luca kept looking for gammy and got VERY frustrated about not finding her. I know toddlers throw tantrums, but I’ve never seen him like this. First, he didn’t want to take a bath. That’s cool. It’s not like they’ve never spent the day in their PJs before. Then he didn’t want what I made for breakfast and knocked it onto the floor. Alessia thought it was a game and tossed her food too. Three dishes later, I guess he remembered he was hungry and ate, finally. I understand toddlers have limited means of expressing themselves, and tantrums are just them communicating their frustrations the best they know how. But the tantrums he threw today should make a world record. I barely recognized my sweet little boy and was unequipped to handle the screaming, hitting, and messes. And Alessia, the dutiful, loving little sister, does everything she sees him do. I couldn’t take it anymore. I never wanted to be that parent who sticks a tablet in my kids’ faces to solve my problems, but it was definitely a tablet kind of day.
With them occupied for at least 30 minutes, I stole away. Sadly, my children weren’t the only ones who showed out today. Shiloh was especially needy and very annoying, so we went for a short walk. Leaving your toddlers home alone won’t win me any awards, but they’ll be fine.
Shiloh gave me that look. That I know something is wrong look. Besides Mommy, my best girl is always around when I’m distressed. I told her I was in trouble. She does not know what that means, but when the time comes, I know she’ll let me cry on her shoulder…if I need to.
