When Luca came home, I wanted to celebrate this new chapter of his life, especially since I failed to do so this morning. My parents always made sure I did my homework immediately, but I wanted him to have the option to have fun first and asked what he wanted to do. He’s a big Catastrophe Kids fan, so I grabbed his sister and we all watched today’s episode. But all I could think about was how we won’t have as many times like this anymore. It was too much for me, and I used everything I had to hold fast. I held my breath, clenched my butt cheeks, squeezed my eyes, and balled my fists to prevent the onslaught of tears. I couldn’t fall apart in front of them. Especially not so close to Ali getting home.
I took a few deep breaths before answering the door. I’ve been ignoring all the texts and calls from my friends checking on me because I’m not ready to deal with them yet. And I definitely don’t need them showing up at my house today! Especially not Laurant. I’m not mad at him or anything, but he knows me entirely too well. If I lie, he’ll know. If I’m too vague, he’ll be suspicious. But he’s been where I am in terms of losing his mother, so hopefully if I say I’m not ready to talk, he’ll understand and drop it.
But because the universe is against me, Laurant would show up minutes before Ali’s arrival. He should understand Laurant would be concerned for me right now, but who knows what he thought when he first saw us together. Ali gave him a stern greeting before barging between us to go inside, as if we blocked his way. Hmph. I suppose everyone has even the tiniest propensity to be petty. That was totally unnecessary.
“I heard about your mom,” Laurant said. “I know we’re not really friends anymore, but I thought I’d come by and see how you were.”
I appreciated that more than he’ll ever know. Despite me telling him our friendship is over, he’s still a friend. I always said he was a good guy.
Ali’s behavior was cause for alarm, however, and Laurant asked if everything was ok. I told him no and that I’d tell him about it later. Luckily for me, he took the hint and left.
As I watched him go, I got a sick feeling in my stomach when I realized I would have to tell him about Dwayne. I would have to tell everyone about Dwayne! All these years, we kept our innocent little secret. But the very moment it’s not innocent, it explodes into something completely beyond what we ever expected.
Laurant would have never allowed me to cheat on Ali if he were in Dwayne’s shoes. But I know part of him will resent me and will probably be a tiny bit jealous of Dwayne since he never got to know me like that.
Heh, I gave up on the idea of me and Laurant because I wanted to avoid all the surrounding drama. But look at me now, in a worse position I would have been in. I should have just sucked it up, gone with my heart, and dealt with Diamond’s wrath. Laurant and I would have been so happy and probably have, like, 12 babies by now. I would have never gone to the jungle. I never would have slept with Dwayne. There wouldn’t be a secret to keep. But… Would these feelings still be there? Is this the way my marriage ends in every alternate universe?? I can’t accept that. Why am I even out here thinking about this crap?!
