I hated sitting there, listening to my wife cry, knowing I couldn’t do anything for her. She was broken and I couldn’t fix her. The weight of it all threatened to break me as well. In desperate attempts to remain strong for Sophia, I grabbed the dogs and went for the longest walk. Usually I wouldn’t attempt a long walk with Kooper, but I needed it. I appreciated how steady the weather in Oasis Springs weather was. Whenever I needed to escape, I could always venture out into the dusty oven. The gentle swirls of wind and pitter patter of paws provided a soothing backdrop for my racing thoughts. How were we going to get through this? We weren’t without options, but our dreams took a big hit. Our emotions suffocated us, and one day we would breathe again, but at the moment, it hurt.
The house was refreshingly quiet when we returned home, but I knew better than to think everything was magically alright. I unleashed the dogs and tiptoed to the bedroom to check on Sophia, but she was gone. It alarmed me at first, but it was a good sign. I found her outside, sitting at the table, staring at the air. I joined her but didn’t know what to say or if I should say anything, but we definitely had much to discuss.
Letting the silence linger for a moment felt appropriate. When comfortable, I drummed up the courage to ease us back to reality.
“So…what are you thinking about? I mean…what do you want to do?”
She glanced up at the sky as if seeking an answer from the clouds. But an answer didn’t come, and her eyes came back to me.
“I don’t want to give up but…”
“Yeah…I know.”
“And we have to pay for the treatments individually. If they don’t work and I keep getting them…”
“Good thing we have the money tree, huh?”
I winked at her, trying to add a little levity to the situation.
“That’s true,” she said. “IVF is even more expensive.”
“Don’t think about the money right now. We can figure that out later if we need to.”
“What about your sister?”
“What about her?”
“Do you think she’ll…”
“Alessia? No way.”
“Why not? You haven’t even asked her yet.”
“Have you met her? She loves her body too much. She won’t do it.”
She sank into her chair, defeated by a non-existent foe. I felt it too, but one of us had to stay afloat and keep hope alive.
“We can think about that if it comes to it,” I said. “Right now…maybe let’s try the treatments for a few days. If they don’t work, then we’ll…”
I left my sentence dangling in the air, hoping she’d finish it. We were in this situation together, but I didn’t feel right making decisions about her body, even though I was only trying to keep us focused on our dreams.
“Then we’ll do in vitro,” she said, finally.
“Okay then.”
