Back outside, I found a remnant of our party crew. Maira and her family held down the dance floor while Mama and Chi Chi yammered on about who knows. Hopefully they got all my embarrassing childhood stories out of their systems. Sophia sat at a table, probably nursing her back. I asked if she wanted to go home, but she said she was okay. It began to rain, so Maira, Chi Chi, and the Ricketts family went home, and me, Sophia, and Mama went inside. I was starving and realized I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, so I grabbed a plate of ribs and ate in the dining room. Sophia followed me, and so did Mama. I guess it was story time.
I began by apologizing for not doing what I promised to do. It wasn’t my intention, but it just happened that way.
“We’ve been trying to get pregnant ever since we got engaged,” I said.
I watched Mama’s face, and I saw the exact moment she realized where the story was heading. Nothing I said came close to being her fault, but I could see the mommy guilt oozing from her eyes, and I knew exactly what she was saying to herself in that moment. My son needed me, and I wasn’t there. I failed my child. I’m a bad mother. I had lived long enough to understand there was nothing I could do or say to ease those kinds of thoughts, but I still wanted to.
Sophia jumped in and talked about her first suspicions of a problem, getting tested, and doing treatment. I explained we didn’t say anything then because we thought the treatments would work quickly and we’d be pregnant any day. We thought telling everyone would cause unnecessary alarm, but as the days went on, it got harder and harder to reach out because we were so devastated. We used every ounce of remaining energy to keep our minds off it because we were emotionally spent.
Finding out about Alessia’s pregnancy was hard. Really, really hard. I was angry at her because I wanted what she had, and she didn’t even appreciate it. On top of that, I found out I also had low fertility which pretty much eliminated our odds of getting pregnant.
“Your granddaughter was conceived through the miracle of IVF,” I said.
“Oh, my sweet boy! I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that! I wish I could have known so I could comfort you, but I understand why you didn’t reach out. I know all too well what it’s like to feel you need to suffer alone.”
“IVF is really expensive, though,” she continued. “Are you okay? Do you need help? I could-“
“We’re fine, Mama. But, thank you.”
“Okay. I’m glad. Wow… I don’t know how to feel. Like, my heart is broken for you, but I’m extra excited about your future now. I always thought you’d be amazing parents, but I know you’ll be even more so now and will spoil this baby rotten. I’m so proud of how you two support each other. You’ve got the real thing, and it makes me so happy.”
“When I learned about you,” she said to Sophia, “I dreamed about this time. I looked forward to staying with you for a few days while you found your wings and make sure you two got enough rest. Things won’t be quite like that now, but I’m still here for you guys. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get away and meet your sweetheart, but if you need anything at all, call me. I’ll find a way to help.”
“That’s really sweet, Emmy. Thank you!”
I had to be the most blessed man in all the world. My parents loved and supported every move I made; They loved my wife; I was going to be a father; My best friend was moving to town. What more could I ask for?
