I returned home late because I walked around the neighborhood for a while to process my evening and reconcile my feelings. Even though I had promised Sophia I wouldn’t be gone long, I couldn’t bring myself to come home immediately. My emotions were all over the place. I was angry that Mama dumped all of that on me without warning; Sad about knowing I’d soon be without my parents; Content knowing I was a good son and had great relationships with them; Anxious about not knowing when either of them would go. But after a while, I felt kind of crazy and went home. I came in through the backdoor hoping to avoid Sophia for just a few moments longer. She would want to know things, and I wasn’t ready to discuss them, but my surreptitious planned failed when I walked in on her having a late-night snack. I was also hungry and cut myself a slice of leftover cake. As soon as I sat down, I took control of the conversation before she had a chance to hammer me with questions about why I’d been gone so long. I asked about her first day with the baby, how she felt, etc. She cooperated, but I felt her watching me the whole time. She heard the stoic, robotic tone in my voice. It also didn’t help that I didn’t make eye contact. At the first break in conversation, she stole the control and asked if something had happened.
How do I explain it to her when I hadn’t decided how I felt about it yet? Now every time I’d see Less’ number on my phone, my heart would stop, and I halfway wished I didn’t know. I opened my mouth a few times, trying to start a sentence, but cancelled it before my voice caught up. But my brain was tired, and I didn’t want to think about it anymore, so I gave up and blurted out something, hoping she’d catch a clue.
“Mama gave me her final wishes. My parents are that old.”
“Oh noooo. Are you-“
“Please don’t ask me that,” I said, regretting the terseness in my voice.
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
“I need to spend the day with my dad tomorrow. He’s older than her.”
“Of course. Don’t worry about us. I’m here for you, Luca.”
The tenderness in her voice chastised me, even though that wasn’t her intent. I was out of character, and she didn’t deserve that, so I tried to make it right.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to be rude. She dumped this on me out of the blue, and… I didn’t even know they were that old! I just… This is a lot.”
“Trust me, Luca. I understand. I may not have had this experience, but I get you. Do whatever you need to do. I’ll be here when you need me.”
“Thanks. I know. And I appreciate it. I think I want to turn in now.”
“Okay. I’ll be up in a minute.”
I checked on Desi before I got into bed and found her wide awake.
“Were you waiting up for me, pumpkin? That’s very sweet of you.”
“Did you miss me? I missed you. I went to meet your cousins. They’re about a half day older than you. The four of you are gonna have so much fun together when you get older.”
“Daddy had a hard night, but being with you makes it all better. I love you so much.”
