It’s Family Day again. Last time, I had a nice day out with my dad. This time around, I have my own child and am planning to celebrate my mother’s life. I don’t exactly forget she’s gone sometimes, but her passing is still fresh and hasn’t completely sunk in yet. Like, I’ll take a picture of Desiree and go to send it to her, only to realize she’ll never receive it or any of my calls and texts ever again, and that really bums me out. She longed to be a grandmother and is missing so many magical moments. When I was younger, I always saw her as an integral part of my future family, and I want her to experience the magic with us. I may not always look sad because I’m trying not to be a drag, but inside, I’m in the worst pain of my life. I keep hoping I’ll wake up one day and feel normal again, but the heaviness hasn’t lifted yet, so I go about my life as best as I can.
Sophia is amazing, and I am so grateful for her. She makes me feel so much better just by being in her presence. It’s near impossible to stay down for long around her. Like, sometimes I’ll be thinking about my parents and worrying about Less, but then Sophia smiles at me, and I know that although things may suck right now, everything will be okay with her in my corner. Whether it’s a twinkle in my eyes or a tonal shift in my voice, I think she notices when I have these mood shifts. I don’t know if she’s trying to reinforce the message or just taking full advantage of the brief pause in grief, but she knows exactly how to keep my mind occupied. Maybe with enough distractions, the sadness will stay away.
