Running around after four toddlers while chatting up our guests was quite the ordeal, and me and Sophia were beat. Dirty plates and glasses lined every surface, making me wonder who raised our friends, heh. The mess was too much to tackle in our state, so we left it to tend to in the morning. Sophia crashed while I got Desiree ready for bed. My mood tanked when I thought about how happy Mama would have been tonight, surrounded by all her grandchildren for the first time. I’m not sure what triggered it, but my mind drifted to this morning when I wondered about my life’s trajectory. Before now, I’d been fine working this yoga thing until I figured out what my real passion is. But now I find myself unsettled. Desi is older now, so life can be more flexible. I can start working again, but do I want to? How long do I want to teach yoga? Do I want to teach yoga? Mama was right about me being good at it, but what do I think? That time I fixed the sink and wondered about being naturally handy came to mind. Maybe instead of forcing myself to fulfill someone else’s dream, I should take advantage of my privilege and figure out what I want. The money tree has blessed Sophia and me with the gift of time. I could be by Sophia’s side the entire time we were trying to get pregnant. And I was still by her side through the birth and recovery. Without the need to run to a job every day, I have time to figure myself out and what I’d rather be doing with my life. Don’t get me wrong. I still love yoga. And I sincerely wish everyone would learn and live less stressful lives. I don’t mind teaching, but do I want to do it forever? Maybe when Less moves, I’ll go get Mama’s candle equipment and give it a whirl.
I put Desi down, and she seemed very hesitant about her new bed at first. Even though we only made minor changes, her room was different, and she noticed. We took out the changing table and put it in the other room. And, of course, the bed replaced the crib. It took her a minute to decide if she liked being so low to the ground, but eventually, she figured it was okay.
I tuck her in, tell her I love her, and watch her drift to sleep much quicker than I’d ever seen. All the activity must have wiped her out too. I turn out the lights and watch her for a moment. There’s something calming about knowing your little ones are safe at rest. It’s a beautiful thing. And so is she.
