I returned to the rental with happier, more confident nephews. Our rumbling stomachs screamed for dinner, so a quick wash-up was in order. I stood under the shower stream, letting the hot water melt away the day’s tension and dried sweat. Relief washed over me like the downpour of a waterfall. I had done it, and it had gone far better than I imagined. The boys’ receptiveness gave me hope that something I said would take root, and respectful, drama-free relationships would meet them in the future. With birds and bees behind me, my mind was free to check out and enjoy the rest of our vacation.
When I entered the kitchen, Sophia was peering into the refrigerator like she had lost something. I greeted her, and she sighed in relief, saying she had concerns about cooking for so many sims and yielded the reins to me. I asked her to stay and help because I had to know if she and Less struck gold like I did. She busied herself with kneading dough for a while. Understanding how difficult a task we had, I exercised patience and let her get her thoughts together. I hoped her hesitation was just an expression of overload and not a sign of things gone wrong. But then, she left the dough alone and shifted her weight, staring at the floor, and my concern grew. Teenagers already thought they knew everything, and to add such a delicate subject to the mix? Oof. Still, I couldn’t imagine my Desi and Breanna making things difficult. Finally, Sophia looked into my eyes and told me they never had the talk. At first, I thought I heard wrong and repeated her words. But when her eyebrows drooped, I knew I had heard right the first time. I busied myself seasoning the ground beef and making small patties for sliders to give myself a moment to regroup. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, given the conversation and how abruptly it all came about, but I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. To make matters worse, I noticed the redness of her skin glowing like hot coals. While I was out there stuttering and sweating, she was here lounging around, letting the sun get the best of her. I hated to admit it, but she let me down.
In parenting, I was the stronger partner, but at what point would she tap in? Is this how it would be for the rest of our lives? Me doing the hard things while waiting for her to get it together? I’m happy to do it, but … I guess as I got older, I found my patience wearing thin. Don’t get me wrong. I saw her making progress all the time, and I was so proud of her. I guess I’m just looked forward to the big breakthrough moment. This would have been perfect for that.
“You’re mad,” she said.
“I’m not … I just—I went out there blind, Sophia. Those boys don’t have a dad, and they have big feelings about that. I didn’t know what would walk into bringing this up with them. But I did it because it needed to be done, and we said it was time. I thought we were doing this together.”
I avoided eye contact while I fried the burgers. I didn’t want her to feel attacked, but at the same time I wasn’t quite ready to forgive, so we finished in silence. We sat and ate, each in our own thoughts, though Sophia didn’t eat much. I was almost done by the time she finally said something.
“I was going to do it,” she said, “but when I told Less you took the boys and it was time, she bailed on me! I was scared, Luca! If it was just Desi, I could have gotten over it, but I don’t know Breanna well enough for that kind of conversation.”
Again, her words rubbed me the wrong way. At least she had her own child in her group. Neither of those boys belonged to me, and I still got it done. I might know my niblings better than her, but it’s not like we were all BFFs. I’m still getting to know them too, especially now that they are teenagers. She had a point, however. Regardless of how deep or shallow our relationships are, she had a level of detachment I didn’t have. I couldn’t expect her to care about them like I did, but still. Why couldn’t she do it for Desi’s sake?
“I’m scared all the time, Sophia. And that was one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever done. Despite what everyone thinks, I don’t know what I’m doing half of the time, but I keep showing up because someone has to.”
She winced at my last line, and I feared she misunderstood me. I wasn’t accusing her of anything. I just meant that I refuse to let Desi stumble in the dark. If it always lands on me to guide her, so be it. After a moment, her expression softened, and I was so relieved. She always gets me, even in the face of unpleasantness.
“I know you carry a lot,” she said. “You carry more than you let on, and I allow it.”
I was the one softening because I didn’t know she saw me, and her acknowledgement was unexpected. I always said she’s smarter than me and way more intuitive, but I guess I thought I was good at hiding my deepest feelings.
“I always freeze when things get too real,” she continued. “I’ve always hated that about myself, and I especially hate that I’ve done this to you again.”
I opened my mouth to respond and placate her, but she put her hand up.
“I fumbled this, but it won’t happen again. I want to do the hard things with you.”
I felt like such an idiot. Of course, she’d rather work together. That’s what we do! Why did I expect she’d excel solo? Me and my sudden ideas. If I would have given her the chance to think about it, I’m sure she would have crafted a brilliant plan for us to execute together. I asked way too much of her. She should be the one upset with me.
“Let’s do it together, then,” I said, reaching for her hand. “When we get home.”
She nodded and squeezed my hand.
“Had enough fire drills for one day?”
I laughed. It felt good.
“I think I’ve had enough fire drills for the year.”
“I bet! Is that a gray hair I see?” she asked, pretending to inspect my hairline.
“I think I felt like eight of them coming back.”
“I thought the kids would have come down by now,” she said, looking at her phone.
“Yeah, same. The boys claimed to be so hungry. Let me go make sure they haven’t drowned each other.”
