Desi’s eyebrows shot up, but she didn’t look horrified like most teens. She honestly just looked surprised, like she expected a different conversation. She is still quite young, however, so maybe her mind isn’t there yet. If that’s true, I’m grateful we caught her before the hormones work her over.
“Before we start,” Sophia began, “I just want to say nothing is wrong and we’re not accusing you of anything. We just love you a lot and want to give you some things to think about before you start making big decisions, okay?”
“O-kay,” Desiree said hesitantly.
I loved Sophia’s tone. It was light yet steely. Calm, steady, and full of purpose. That woman always amazed me when she got serious like that. Watching her in action was like flicking on the power switch in a big factory. One moment, everything is silent and black, then the next moment there’re lights, movement, and the loud whirring of heavy machinery. The girl is BAD. She surprised me when she changed seats and sat next to me. I thought it might be better for both of us to be near Desi, but maybe she needed to borrow some of my energy.
“Woohoo isn’t bad,” she continued. “It’s really great, actually.”
She threw me a quick, flirty side-glance before getting back on task. She better quit playing. I will clear this table and give the kid a live demo, ha!
“Because you’re young, people will try to tell you all kinds of things about it, but it’s not dirty or shameful or any of those things. It can be beautiful. And it’s powerful, but that’s exactly why we need to talk. Woohoo isn’t just physical. It’s emotional and mental. Sometimes, it’s even spiritual. You have to be prepared for all the ways it could affect you.”
I finally found the courage to speak, so I jumped back in.
“And your readiness is your own personal journey that is not related to anyone else’s timetable.”
“Oh, that’s good, babe,” she said, with her hand on my shoulder.
Desi remained quiet, but she was locked in. Her eyes never left Sophia once. What was she more intrigued by? Getting the inside scoop ahead of all her friends, or how amazing her mother was because I could totally relate to being in complete awe of this woman.
“There are a lot of pressures out there,” she continued. “Some of it is obvious, but most of it sneaks up and tries to catch you off guard. Peer pressure is the worst. Your friends, classmates…the Internet… People will tell you that you’re weird or behind if you’re not dating or haven’t woohoo’d yet. It’s hard to hear people say not nice things about you, but you can’t let those voices pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do or aren’t ready for. You’re not weird or behind-“
“I didn’t start dating until I was midway through my young adult days,” I interrupted.
“See? Me, on the other hand, I started way too early.”
Desi’s eyes widened, and I knew exactly what went through her head. I too remember the moment I learned my parents were just flawed sims like everyone else and not the superheroes I thought they were.
“I couldn’t handle the pressure, and I caved so many times. No one took the time to talk to me like we’re talking with you. I just want you to understand—really know—you are allowed to go at your own pace. You don’t owe anyone your time, attention-“
“Or your body!!”
I couldn’t resist. Sophia bursted out laughing, and Desi tried to hide a grin. I think we all needed a little break, anyway.
“Or your body,” Sophia said.
As she took a moment, I couldn’t help but admire her. She didn’t just lead the discussion; she COOKED! I loved watching her in her bag—at least I hope she’s finally realized this is her bag. She shoots threes mid-court every time.
“Like we said before,” she continued, “dating is not required. If you’d rather wait and focus on school, that is perfectly fine.”
“I personally would prefer that option,” I threw in there.
“Luca, stop!”
Desi giggled at us. I’m glad she’s enjoying this and not finding it embarrassing or whatever.
“But if you do decide to date, and if woohoo should ever be an option, make sure you are safe,” she warned. “Being safe is more than making sure he has protection and you’re not in any danger. Being safe is also about honesty. It means the person you’re with respects your boundaries, and you respect his. Communication is everything.”
“It sure is,” I said. “And those boundaries… If someone keeps pushing you, that is NOT okay. Anyone who can’t handle a simple ‘no’ doesn’t deserve even a second of your time.”
“Ten thousand percent,” Sophia said. “And that includes emotional pressure, too. If someone tries to make you feel guilty, or they say stuff like, ‘if you really like me, you’ll…’ that’s a huuuuge red flag. Love doesn’t ask you to compromise yourself. Real love makes you feel more like yourself.”
Desi shifted in her seat as she finally spoke.
“So, like…I understand what you’re saying about woohoo, but … Well, how do you know when someone is worth the time?”
Sophia smirked, shooting me a cheeky glance, and I knew I was in for it.
“Well, first, they don’t talk to three other girls while they’re talking to you.”
I closed my eyes and let out a stern, quick breath. Airing my laundry in front of my daughter to teach her about woohoo was not the illustration I had in mind.
“Sophia…“
She giggled.
Desi’s mouth gaped at our little exchange. Even though I wished Sophia would one day finally let that go, I kinda enjoyed Desi getting to see that side of us. Maybe it’ll make her more comfortable coming to us about these things…in the future.
“Second, they grow,” she said, still looking at me. “And they love you better every day.”
“Daddy, you had three girlfriends when you and Mommy were dating??”
“NO, I did not! First of all, me and Mommy were NOT dating, second, two of the girls were just friends, and the third girl just kind of happened and it was ONE time!”
Sophia was still over there, giggling.
“Desi, baby, things don’t just happen,” she said.
“Will you knock it off?? You’re making me look bad!”
Her laughter escalated, and she couldn’t even sit up straight. Even Desi laughed at my misery.
“A more practical way to tell is to start as friends,” I said, trying to get back on task and give the child something real to chew on. “If they make you feel safe, make you laugh”-I glanced at Sophia-“If they care about who you are and not just how you look, I’d say that’s a good sign. If they only ever pay attention when it’s convenient for them, run.”
Sophia winced and sucked air through her teeth.
“Ooof. I had to learn that one the hard way.”
Desi piped up just a little.
“Wh-what happened?”
“Uhhh…I dated this guy… He made me feel special when we were alone, but acted like he didn’t know me in public. When I wanted to hang out or needed help, he was too busy. But if he was bored or lonely? Oh, suddenly I was the best thing ever. That’s convenience, not love.”
Noting the time, and Desi’s silence, I said, “We’ve done all the talking tonight, but I want to make sure you understand that whenever you need to talk, we’re here to listen. You can come to us about anything. We won’t get mad or judge or anything. Do you have any questions for us?”
“Not right now, but can I say something?”
“Of course, sweetie,” Sophia said. “You can tell us anything.”
“I don’t think you should hide from that story, Daddy. It’s part of you.”
“Well, that’s a mighty mature thing for you to say. You’re right.”
And just like that, my little girl wasn’t my little girl anymore.
“Let me say one more thing,” Sophia said. “I know it’s late. You’re already so confident; you get that from your dad. I don’t see you struggling with this, but in case you do, I want you to know it is totally okay for you to believe in yourself. It’s not vanity to know you are gorgeous—and you are insanely gorgeous. You’re not stuck up for knowing how intelligent you are. And kindness? That’s not weakness; it’s a superpower. Understanding your value is so necessary because, if you don’t know your worth, some douche will be more than glad to define you himself.”
“You did that, Sophia.”
“Why, thank you,” she said sheepishly.
Desi shook her head at us and got up from the table.
“Okay, I’m going to bed now.”
“Okay, sweet potato.”
“We love you.”
“I know.”
