I woke up the next morning, rested yet still slightly disoriented. Something didn’t feel right, and it wasn’t the heavy cloud looming over me and Sophia. My body felt too…loose, too unburdened, as if I’d just finished a marathon meditation session. I sat up and blinked at the sunlight pouring through the blinds. My ears strained, listening for something—anything. No crying. No babbling. No Logan. The silence felt wrong. That’s when I realized the time: after eight. I slept past eight! I couldn’t believe it. My pillow still carried the dent my head made, proof I’d been in deep sleep and missed his passionate wake-up call. But he’s much too giggly and chatty to just lay quietly while waiting for someone to see about him, so I shuffled into his room. It’s empty. That’s when the muffled voices and clinking of glass from downstairs caught my ear.
I padded downstairs and walked in on the sweetest sight: Desiree at the highchair, jar in hand, and Logan watching her like she was the most important person on earth. My heart did a little dance. I always knew Desi would be the perfect big sister, but she has gone above and beyond. I shouldn’t be surprised, though. She always did what needed to be done without any prompting. Honestly, she’s way more responsible than I was at her age.
“What’s on the menu today?” I asked, voice still rough with sleep.
“Oatmeal,” she said.
“Does he like it?”
“Can’t tell. He’s eating it though.”
“Sorry he woke you. Thanks for taking care of him.”
“I was already up.”
Of course she was. She’s always been an early riser. I sat at the table and watched them. She playfully swirled the spoon through the air, making engine noises before landing a bite. Watching her take care of her brother was such a beautiful experience and goes to show how much our children learn simply by watching us. True, putting food in a baby’s mouth is not a big deal, but we never showed her how to entertain him when he doesn’t want to open his mouth. She learned that by watching Sophia do the airplane move. That hit me. What else has she learned by watching us? Hopefully not how to avoid your spouse when you’re not ready to talk.
Once Logan finished the jar, she let him out of the highchair and plopped next to me.
“Is Josh still coming tonight?” I asked.
“Yeah. Think so.”
She said it so casually, like it was nothing, but her stiff shoulders told another story.
“Cool. So, ummm … Prom, huh?”
Her eyes lit up.
“Prom!”
She said it like it was its own holiday or something, making me smile and ache all at once.
“So, what’s the real deal with this Josh? I only hear about him through your mom. You scared to talk to me or something?”
“No. You’re just…always busy.”
Ouch. That landed hard, like a sucker punch in the face. I wasn’t sure if she meant I was busy with the baby, or if she had noticed the way I kept myself busy with chores to avoid Sophia. Either way, it stung. I remember when she was a toddler, always interjecting herself into our conversations, and us telling her to wait until we’re finished. I really hope she didn’t feel cast aside or whatever. This had all the marks of something she’ll discuss in therapy later, heh.
“Oh. I’m sorry. I’m here now, so tell me about him.”
She hesitated, then gave me the brightest smile.
“When I think about him, my heart goes like this.”
Some boy is giving my little girl butterflies, and it’s both adorable and painful to see. She’s so curious and has an adventurous spirit. I just know things are going to go from 0 to 60 in the blink of an eye with her. I’m here for it, but she’s still my baby who wears pigtails and plays with the dogs without a care in the world. Yet, I can’t deny seeing a young woman racing headfirst into a world I’m not ready to let her run through.
“I’m happy for you. I really am. This is a very exciting time in your life. I won’t get in your way too much, but I do have one thing to say.”
Her smile faltered, bracing herself for my addendum.
“We already had our grown-up talk, so I won’t insult you by repeating it. But remember the part about pressure?”
She nodded.
“Okay. Good. Many of your peers will use this night to…to-uhh…” My tongue tied itself in knots. We’d already discussed this, so why was it so hard to say? “…to score.” My hands were so sweaty, like doing the woohoo talk all over again. “If you feel like you’re ready for that,” I hoped to Watcher she’s not, “then okay. Just be safe, like we talked about. But if you’re not, don’t let Josh pressure you into doing things you’re not ready for.”
She totally disarmed me with her hearty laughter.
“What’s so funny about that?” I asked.
“Daddy, he can barely look at me without turning into a popsicle. I think I’m safe.”
I let go of every clenched part of my body and chuckled as I relaxed. The image of a boy freezing and turning blue in my radiant daughter’s presence was too good.
“Ahhh, I see. Well, just make sure you aren’t the one doing the pressuring.”
She got up to play with the dogs, who were hovering near Logan.
“I’m insulted,” she said, smirking.
“Mmm hmm. You and your insult keep it classy tomorrow, okay?”
“Yes, Daddy, I know.”
