The jury is still out on deciding whether letting a friend moderate our mess was a good idea, but it had some benefits. We needed to swing back to San Myshuno anyway to get the kids, so it wasn’t an extra trip. And I trusted Justin. Even if he were our age, I’d still feel like he was the only friend who could do this properly. Maira would probably side-eye Sophia before she even spoke. Dub? Forget it. He’s too encumbered right now. And Chi Chi—well, she caused this whole thing, so she wasn’t even eligible.
“Thanks for doing this, Justin,” I said.
He pulled me into a hug. “I’m happy to. We gotta make sure you two stay whole.”
I’d never been to his place before. It was not how I envisioned it. The walls were bare, and the colors screamed of another decade. How long had he lived there? Between his travels and frequent nights out, he probably only used it to sleep.
“Can I get you something?” he asked, ushering us to the kitchen. “Water? Juice? Something stronger?”
“I’m good, thanks,” I said.
“Nothing for me,” Sophia added.
With host duties done, he settled at the table with us.
“So, what’s this all about?” he asked. “When you said mediate, can’t say I wasn’t concerned. I hope this isn’t about the baby.”
Sophia and I looked at each other. She didn’t speak, so I did and went all the way in.
“Chi Chi was being Chi Chi and flirted with Sophia. That’s not unusual. We all know it’s harmless.”
Justin chuckled, shoulders bouncing. “That girl’s got a way about her, huh? Sorry, go on.”
“What is unusual is my wife flirting back.”
“I told you I wasn’t flirting,” she shot back. “She joked, so I joked back! That’s it.”
“You didn’t see the way you looked at her. How you leaned in like you were down for it.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
“Is it?”
Justin lifted his hand. “Alright, let’s slow this down. Luca, I know you love this woman like nobody’s business. Y’all been through a lot. Why is this the thing that has you hemmed up?”
“Because! She basically admitted she would cheat on me! To my face!”
“Cheating?!” Sophia snapped.
Justin leaned in. “Time out. You really think she would cheat on you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know anymore.”
Justin kept his tone calm. “I know you don’t mean that. Tell me what this is really about.”
My throat burned, as if I were going to throw up. I rubbed my hands on my legs, rocked back and forth—anything to slow the onslaught of feelings building up. I thought I was over it, that the life I built with Sophia was a sign of victory over fear. But one short scene—one tiny word—brought it all back like it had never left.
“Cheating ruined my life! And she knows this!”
Justin’s brows lifted, but he didn’t speak.
“My mom cheated on my dad. For no reason. They were happy—we were happy. One moment we’re having a family day at the beach, and the next we’re bouncing between two houses. I asked her over and over why she did it, and she never had a real answer. Just she was in love with someone else and couldn’t help herself.”
The pressure in my throat grew, and the words tumbled out even faster. I couldn’t stop them.
“Other stuff I learned about their relationship messed me up for a long time. Couldn’t trust my feelings. Dating scared me because I was terrified of ending up like them and putting my own children through that. But I met Sophia, and I made myself get over it because, despite everything I saw, I wanted a life with someone. I try to be the best version of myself and give her everything so we don’t end up like them, and someone still catches her eye.”
“I’m not interested in Chi Chi!” Sophia’s voice cracked. “You have to know that.”
“You smiled in a way you only smile at me. And for the rest of the day, you had a spring in your step. How else was I supposed to interpret that?”
Her mouth opened, closed, nothing coming out.
Justin finally stepped in.
“Sophia, I’m neutral here. But you know I gotta play the reaper’s advocate. Take a moment and think about it. Is there any possible way what he’s saying is true?”
“Of course not! I’m not attracted to Chi Chi!”
“Maybe not romantically. Emotional attachments are sneaky because most times you don’t realize you have them. Think about it. Does she make you feel … anything?”
Her mouth opened and closed again. She folded and unfolded her arms, shifted in her chair, buried her head in her hands. Long seconds ticked by. Finally, she spoke.
“She sees me.”
The words dropped like lead. I knew exactly what she meant. The way Chi Chi looks at you is like she’s taking in a work of art; it’s one of the best things about her. It’s the thing that took her from being a hot stranger to being a trusted friend. But to hear it from Sophia as something I lack … That stung.
“And I don’t?”
Her eyes pleaded with me. She bit her lip as if trying to will me not to keep going. But I held her gaze.
“No,” she whispered. “Not anymore.”
Her glistening eyes threatened to undo me. I’d confess almost anything to keep her from crying. The ache in my chest wanted to stop here and resolve to go home a guilty man, but I needed to understand.
“What does that even mean?”
Her shoulders fell, as if the question exhausted her.
“It means … when I walk into a room, you don’t look up the way you used to. We don’t sit and laugh about dumb stuff anymore. It means you don’t ask how I am anymore. You just assume everything is fine because you’re fine.”
I swallowed hard and felt naked in front of a crowd.
“You only see the version of me that keeps the house running, that takes care of the kids, that’s still standing at the end of the night,” she continued. “But you don’t see me. Not the woman who’s tired. Or lonely. Or scared she’s losing the one person she trusted to always see her.”
Justin’s head nodded, approving every slap on my face. “This is good. Let it all out.”
She wiped at her cheek, frustrated with the tears. “I don’t want Chi Chi. I don’t even think of her like that. But when she looks at me, I feel like she’s looking straight through to my soul. And when we talk, she makes me feel like there’s no place else she’d rather be. It feels good. When she’s around, I remember what it’s like to be noticed. To feel like I exist outside of cleaning and bedtime routines and worrying about you.”
I sat there stunned. Shame dug its claws in deep.
“I don’t need grand gestures,” she said, still wiping her cheek, looking at the floor. “I just need you. Hearing me. Looking at me. Seeing me.”
Justin let the silence linger a bit before he spoke.
“That was beautiful. You have anything to add, Luc?”
The room was quiet, yet I could hear the frantic beat of my heart over the traffic noise. Her words hung in the air like smoke I couldn’t wave my way through. I wanted to argue, to say I do see her, every day, every second. But the examples she rattled off cut me off at the knees. She wasn’t wrong. I stared at my hands, the table, the couch … anywhere but her face. My chest felt like it was caving in.
“But I thought…” My voice came out low and shaky. “I thought I was doing it right. Working hard, showing up, keeping things steady. I thought that was enough.”
Sophia looked at me, eyes tired but resolute. “It used to be.”
That one hit harder than I expected.
Justin cleared his throat, pulling the weight off just a fraction. “If only it were that simple, right? I’m no therapist, but this isn’t the end. Most folks don’t even get this far. You two? You’ve still got a lot of fight left. Believe that.”
I nodded, though my head felt heavy. I believed him. It was never my goal to continue this way. I wanted to start anew, but all I could feel was the ground shifting under me, and I had no idea how to catch my footing. We should have paid Justin instead of that quack.
