3.4 Getting out Part I

One morning, I lay in bed, thinking about my dad. Dread loomed over me as I realized it had been more than a month since we’d seen or spoken to him. We’re adults now, and we don’t have to spend weekends with him anymore. I know that, and so does he. And as we get older, we’ll see everyone less and less as we create our own separate lives. I know this and still feel guilty because I have no excuse except selfishness. Maybe laziness too? Everything is so peaceful and relaxed at Mama’s house. It’s easy to let things slide. But I’ll do better. I don’t want him thinking we favor her over him, especially because we hassled them about living with her.

That night, I saw the perfect opportunity to rectify the situation when Mama didn’t come home after work. Sometimes she gets in the zone and stays late, so it wasn’t unusual. But she still wasn’t home after dinner. I knew she was over there with what’s-his-face, so I grabbed Less and Tofu and we visited Dad. Tofu still isn’t used to being home by herself. Plus, I kinda like her now. I take her on my morning jogs, and she barks the whole time like she’s cheering me on. Or maybe she’s yelling at me like a personal trainer. Either way, I’m glad she enjoys our jogs. I see how Mama got attached to her so quickly. They have similar, compelling personalities and love hard.

When we arrived, Dad greeted us outside and squeezed tight, and I was both relieved and guilt-ridden. But honestly, I can’t see my dad ever being mad at us; I get my even-keeled temperament from him. He looked great, though. When we lived here, he was so tired and stressed all the time. He only had basic cable and never took us anywhere. Life was so dull on top of raising two children on his own. Now, he seems calmer. I wonder if he’d be open to doing yoga with me. I’m sure it’ll help keep his mind quiet and focused. For the most part, he’s doing okay. With a birthday mere days away, he’s planning the next part of his life and weighing some heavy decisions. He has gone as far as he can in his career without a degree and is considering how to manage everything on retirement income. His two best options are to sell the house and buy a smaller one, or take out loans, go to school, and keep moving up the ladder. But will it be worth the hassle? It’s such a gamble. But without work, what will he do with his time?

About an hour into our visit, I noticed Less got really quiet. One time, I thought I saw her pouting. She’s always been indifferent about everything—especially Dad—but it wasn’t like her to check out completely. I sensed something was wrong, so when I saw an opportunity to end the visit, I took it and I told Dad we needed to get the dog home to eat. He bought it…I think. On the way home, I asked what was wrong because I knew she wouldn’t admit to anything at the house. To my surprise, her change in mood had nothing to do with anything, really. She said we never went out. At first, I was taken aback. I left the house every day. She could come if she wanted. But I knew what she meant. Our social lives left much to be desired. I’m not a social bunny like Mama is, but I’m not a loner either. I’ve been so focused on working out and trying to find a way in at the gym, I haven’t prioritized making friends. That ends tonight. When we got home, I told Less to get dressed. We’re hitting the club. I think that cheered her up.

I walked Tofu one last time, then I showered, dressed, and we headed out. Knowing Mama was with her dude, I didn’t want to go anywhere in Newcrest in case they were on a date and not holed up in his bed. Ugh. She also loves San Myshuno, so I didn’t want to go there either. We definitely didn’t want to go anywhere in Evergreen Harbor, not that I expected to run into Dad, but you never know. Willow Creek seemed to be our best option. We didn’t venture out into the adult world much, so I was excited about our first club night. Less seemed very cautious, as always. I kinda hate that for her, though. She’s been so uptight and honestly kind of paranoid lately, always going on about who’s looking at us, if we’re safe, and all kinds of conspiracy theories. I never enjoyed how indifferent she used to be, but I’d take that sister over this overly suspicious woman she’s becoming.

We found the bar at the back of the club, and I clumsily ordered us some drinks. Between my fumble and my boyish good looks, I think the bartender thought I was a teenager trying to scam her. It was our first drink, and I didn’t know what to order, so I quickly thought of something I heard Mama get before. I really thought the bartender wasn’t going to serve me, but Less sat down and asked if there was a problem. I’m glad she still has some of that fire. I would hate for her to lose that.