The next day had to be the most confusing and upsetting day I ever experienced. It started out nicely with a good breakfast and conversation with Dad. I told him about my impromptu date the night before, and of course he wanted to know how I felt about it. I enjoyed being able to talk to someone about these things without judgment or pushing their agenda on me. Every day, Dad became more and more like my best friend. After breakfast, I got ready for work and gave myself an extra positive pep talk. Little did I know how much I’d need it.
When I arrived at the spa to start my class, one was already in session. And guess who was the instructor. The rude girl from the other day!
I stood in the doorway, watching for a few minutes, shocked and confused about what I had witnessed. The old geezer finally retired, and I should have been next in line. Were they just gassing me up? If I wasn’t up to their standards, they could have just told me! I knew I wasn’t the best and had room for improvement. I didn’t go to school and study wellness. Everything I did, I copied from SimTube and tried to put my spin on it. Why not just give me pointers or tell me I wasn’t what they were looking for instead of hiring someone behind my back? And to find out this way? They could have given me a heads up or something. I felt like a failure, even though part of me knew it wasn’t really my fault. I was the best I could be at the moment and gave it my all. There wasn’t much else I could have done differently. This craft was a journey with no destination, and there was no “best” to ascribe to. We ascribed to be better than we were yesterday. The spa was just not managed well, and I got caught up in their mess. I knew that, but it still hurt.
At least I still had guided meditations: the thing no one seemed to want to own. There was less money and interest in it, though I usually had better turn outs than my yoga classes. But it was still a paying gig I could do until I figured out how to host my own classes in the evenings. Speaking of, the forecast was finally in my favor, and I had a class advertised for that evening at the rec center.
As if I needed someone else to kick me while I was down, I only had one participant that day, and he outright told me I had no business teaching that class. I already knew that, but I didn’t need someone confirming it. Not that day. To add insult to injury, I received an intriguing yet confusing offer from Yasmine.
She called just as my hater left, and I answered, hoping she’d cheer me up. I suppose I should have been flattered, but that was not my first feeling. She wanted to follow up on our conversation about non-exclusive relationships and asked if that’s something I’d like to explore with her. I don’t know how long I left dead air on the phone, but at some point I realized she was saying hello and calling my name over and over.
“I’m here,” I said.
Everything inside warned me to say no to this. A relationship of that type was the complete opposite of what I wanted, and I didn’t want to be in a formal relationship at the moment, anyway. Still, I had to understand exactly what she asked of me.
“What would that mean? I mean…what does a non-exclusive relationship look like?”
A huge sigh assaulted my ears. She came to me with that nonsense, but she was annoyed?
“It means we’ll be official, but we can keep dating other people. No strings, no jealousy.”
She wanted me to be okay with my girlfriend flirting with other men and Watcher knows what else? I felt like someone played a sick joke on me. There was no way I’d agree to anything like that.
“If I decline, what does that mean for us? You won’t want to hang with me anymore?”
“We can still kick it.”
“If I accept, will there ever be a point where you’d agree to be exclusive?”
There was that sigh again.
“I mean…I don’t know. Maybe. I guess it would depend on how I feel about you at the time.”
I couldn’t help but shake my head at the phone.
“I’m sorry, Yasmine. This isn’t at all what I want. No disrespect to you, but I’m gonna have to decline.”
“Alright.”
“I have another class to get ready for. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Later.”
That was a half-truth. My class didn’t start for another few hours, and my head was spinning. The spa had a hot spring in the basement, so I went down there to mellow and sort out my feelings.
I couldn’t get Yasmine’s offer out of my head. It was utterly ridiculous, and I would never put myself in a situation to be cheated on repeatedly, even though it wouldn’t technically be cheating. But there was a small part of me that wouldn’t completely reject the idea. That was probably the same part of me that was horny all the time, if I was honest. That day she sashayed into class in that super tight outfit and claimed the yoga mat in front of me, a hunger unleashed in me I’d never experienced. I kept it together most days, but at night, salacious dreams tormented me. Dreams about all of them. I was reaching the point where I might crack, and who knew how reckless I’d be trying to feed the beast. Maybe this ridiculousness with Yasmine could be the answer. But why did it have to be a relationship? Couldn’t we just be friends who woohoo? She’d probably be down for that. A relationship was far too serious for us. I wanted to enter an official relationship with someone I could see myself marrying one day. Like Sophia! And maybe even Maira. If I’m honest, I didn’t really see that with Yasmine. But it could also be because I didn’t know her well enough yet. I shouldn’t write her off completely for that. Everyone deserved a fair chance, and I wanted to give them that, so when I felt like it was time to choose, I’d be confident in my decision. But there was something to be said about gut feelings, and my gut said this was not it.
