Another overcast morning darkened my room, causing me to look at my phone to see the time. I tried to sleep in, but I always woke up at the same time every day. I didn’t hear many cars speeding past our house, so I figured school was still out and offices were closed and gave myself a day off too. No one would likely be at the spa anyway after gorging themselves with turkey and holiday goodness. Besides, they had rude girl now. I closed my eyes and attempted to return to my dreams, but the sounds of Dad opening and closing doors and shower water striking the tub interrupted me. Soon, he’d turn the TV on, so I gave up and got out of bed.
I had such a nice chill spot in my room and never used it, so I sat on the couch and thought about what to do with my free day. All week, I thought of my sister and aimed to call her, only to be distracted by everything. With nothing to steal my attention, I called her on SimTime before life invariably threw something else at me. It was so good to see her face. I didn’t fully realize how much I missed her until I saw her bright blue eyes and heard the sass in her voice. But to my surprise, she didn’t look happy, and my big brother alarm system booted up.
She said she didn’t like the family she lived with because she felt like they were always talking about her. I let out a tiny sigh of relief because, honestly, she always felt like someone was talking about her, so this was the status quo for dear Less. I imagined not speaking the language increased her paranoia, and for that I sympathized with her. But despite her issues with the family, she said she’s still happy to be in Mt. Komorebi, and that was all I needed to hear to initiate the shutdown protocol. Life was not without its trials, so I didn’t expect she’d go over there and live in a bed of roses. She went to find happiness, and as long as she remained happy, I was good.
I rarely had idle time, but when I did, my mind often drifted to Sophia, and that morning was no different. No matter what I did or who I was with, she always lived somewhere in the periphery. I missed her so much and owed her a date as well. I sighed and sank into the couch, running my hand through my hair and wondering what was wrong with me. I had this gorgeous woman who waited patiently for me to get my shit together. She was the only one who wanted what I wanted, yet I spent more time cultivating relationships that went nowhere. At the time, it made sense to me. But now, it all seemed kind of pointless, especially after getting clarity about what they all wanted.
When I was in high school, Mama told me something I never forgot. Two things, in fact. She said to be honest about how I felt, and to find someone I could not live without, and I’d been trying to do that ever since. Despite my thoughts and what I’ve done, the honest truth was this. No matter who I met, no matter what I did, my thoughts were always on Sophia. And when I thought of her, my sentiments were always long term. That clearly sounded like someone I could not live without. It’s just like what they said: the heart wants what the heart wants. But I behaved like a scared little boy, hiding from the monsters under his bed. I already felt like I was behind in life, and I didn’t need anything else stunting my growth. It was time for me to overcome my fears and create the life I truly desired. I didn’t have to jump into a relationship right away, but I needed to accept that I had already found what I wanted, quit messing around with my other friends, and let Sophia know what she meant to me.
After thinking of ways to convey this message without making it sound like a proposal or even asking her to be my girlfriend, I decided to take her to dinner at the fanciest restaurant I could find and spent the next few hours scouring the Internet for locations and reading menus and reviews. Yasmine called during all of this and asked me out again.
Memories of her bouncing boobs danced in my head again, tempting me to accept. Sophia didn’t know what I had planned, so I could cancel without penalty and get an encore of the other night. But I didn’t want to. I owed Sophia my time, and I wanted her to have it. And as anxious as I was to woohoo again, I was reluctant to risk losing her for a few hours of fun with someone who didn’t care about me. Besides, at some point, woohoo will be an option for us, and it will be a thousand times better because I… Because we cared for each other. I sincerely appreciated our night together and would never forget Yasmine because of it. But frankly, I didn’t need her anymore. When the time was right, I’ll find a way to let her know.
