I got a glimpse of what our lives would have been like if we had a house full of children like we wanted. All my babies—the big one, the blue one, and the fur ones—were all in the same room for once, playing with each other. Desiree did tug-of-war with Kooper, Rosie cheered him on, and Logan squealed for all of them. Though loud and chaotic, it was also quite beautiful. That was the kind of harmony I yearned for. Life was almost perfect. I caught myself searching the room for Sophia, instinctively wanting to share the moment with her, but she wasn’t there. I remembered we weren’t okay and wanted to stay present, so it was probably for the best. But the morning ran away from us, and eventually she appeared, so I took that moment to shower and tended to the money tree. Rosie was in one of her clingy moods and sat with me while I worked, so I took her for a long walk when I was done.
I still wrestled with Sophia’s response to Chi Chi. Despite how badly I want to believe it was just innocent banter between friends, I couldn’t shake the twinkle in her eye and the way she leaned in, almost asking—begging—to be whisked away. Still, even if I’m reading too much into it; even if I’m seeing things, why would she say that? And in front of me, knowing all that I’ve been through? Knowing everything I’ve had to fight through to arrive at this place in our lives? That bothered me most. She said it was a joke, but why would she joke about the one spot I’d never survive a hit?
When we returned home, Sophia and Logan were really excited about something. Part of me wanted to keep walking, to pretend I hadn’t noticed the commotion. But then I saw Logan’s face, wide-eyed with excitement, and I couldn’t resist.
“What’s happening?” I asked.
“Logan said his first word!”
My chest swelled with pride and awe, but underneath, something stung. I have been with him every step of the way, never missing a milestone. But because of my unwillingness to face my feelings and talk to Sophia, I missed it. And this wasn’t just any milestone. This was THE milestone.
“What did he say?” I asked.
“Baba.”
My chest actually warmed for a second. Baba means father in some places. Maybe—just maybe—he meant me. But no. Here, it only means bottle. He wasn’t calling for me at all. My smile died almost as fast as it came.
“Bottle? He shouldn’t be hungry yet.”
She shrugged.
“Maybe he’s not enjoying solid foods?”
“Hmmm…maybe.”
Besides the applesauce, nothing else won him over yet. Maybe he just liked milk. Having the information I wanted, I felt no need to linger in the conversation and got up to get water from the fridge. I felt her staring at me and willed myself not to turn around. But then she called my name.
“Luca…are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“But you’re not, though,” she said.
I kept drinking, but the water did not quench me. It was just a prop.
“What’s going on?” she asked, voice drenched with desperation. “Why are you treating me like this?”
I almost choked. Did she really just ask me that? She flirts with my friend in my face, but I’m the one being unreasonable? What world is she living in?
“Why?” I said, letting it hang in the air, giving her time to come to her senses. “You really have no clue?”
I turned away in total disbelief. My jaw was too tight to speak, despite having so much to say. I let my head sag onto my chest, put my hand on my hip, and breathed. But what would be the point of explaining myself to her now? Clearly, she’s forgotten my history. Our history.
“Do you even know me?” I squeaked out before brushing past her.
I poured the rest of the water into the sink, slammed down the glass, and went for a run. What I really needed was yoga, but it would take too long to calm me. I ran fast, faster than I had ever run before. My heart beat so loud in my chest I could hear it in the blood pumping through my ears. Eventually, I couldn’t go any further and stopped. Cold air burned my lungs as I huffed and puffed, doubled over with my hands on my knees. I paced around the block, wondering why The Watcher hated us so much. We were healing and getting back to normal after the last plague, then—BOOM—this happens. What did we do to deserve all this pain we kept going through? Am I still paying for my mother’s sin? Was my childhood not enough? I knew life isn’t always roses, and rain falls on both flowers and weeds, but I didn’t know anyone else who had as much drama in their lives.
The sun began its descent, and I knew I needed to get back home. Desi’s lil’ boyfriend would arrive soon, and I needed to make dinner. I ran upstairs and showered quickly, then I made spaghetti to keep it simple. Just as I plated the food, he knocked.
He was a good-looking kid. Really good-looking. But when your kid is as gorgeous as mine, I suppose you have to expect they’d attract other good-looking kids, heh. Well done, kiddo. Well done. He could have just been nervous about meeting us for the first time, but he seemed like a really nice guy. All night he was wide-eyed, like he was on some grand adventure, trying to take it all in. He was very respectful, calling us “ma’am” and “sir” even though I told him he didn’t need to do that.
We sat down to eat, and things were a little awkward at first. The clink of forks against the porcelain plates seemed extra loud. Logan didn’t seem to mind and used the silence to show off his new skill. But we didn’t invite the boy to watch him slurp noodles and listen to him breathe, so I asked where he was from. He was born and raised in Windenburg and had two sisters: Desi’s friend (who Logan didn’t like) who is a year older, and a younger one still in elementary school. As a guy who grew up with women in the house, I felt like I understood his quietness a little more. He probably never got a word in at home.
Desi glowed the entire time, eyes sparkling in a way I hadn’t seen before. Every time Josh spoke, she leaned in just a little closer, like the world had shrunk down to just the two of them. It was cute, but it hurt. I’m no longer the man in her life. I watched him too. The way his eyes kept darting to her, lingering longer each time, like he couldn’t quite believe she was sitting beside him. To his credit, his gaze never overstayed its welcome; somebody raised him right. Still, I couldn’t ignore the way he looked at her, like he was willing to risk it all for one more smile.
Desi laughed louder than usual, brushing her hair behind her ear twice in the span of a minute. Each time, Josh’s smile widened. He was in awe of her. Part of me wished he’d play it cooler; the other part couldn’t blame him. How could anyone not notice how amazing she is? I’m a big fan myself, heh. I thought of pressing him with more questions—his parents’ jobs, his grades, his plans—but I’d already learned plenty just watching the two of them together. Their small gestures told me more than any polished answer could. Besides, tonight wasn’t about me, anyway. I’ll have plenty of time for grilling in the future.
