I didn’t sleep much. And the little I did get didn’t help at all. Mostly, I lay there staring at the ceiling while my brain replayed the same conversation over and over. What are you really upset about? I thought I knew the answer: I wanted to walk my daughter down the aisle. Simple. Reasonable, even. But the more I sat with it, the less convincing it became. Lots of fathers never get that opportunity. Sometimes life has other plans. Other times, relationships fracture beyond repair. Some dads simply aren’t around. My own father never got the chance. And while I couldn’t speak for what he felt privately, I knew one thing for certain. He never punched a bag until his hands hurt because of it. So what was this really about?
Naturally, my brain decided this was an excellent opportunity to revisit every difficult thing I’d ever experienced. My parents’ divorce stole the peace from my childhood and confidence from young adulthood. Then there were the fertility struggles Sophia and I fought through. Losing both my parents in the same week sucked. Let’s not even talk about the abduction. Every time peace found its way back into my life, something came around the bend to snatch it away again. I was exhausted and longed for emotional stability. But Desi getting married wasn’t one of those things. I knew that logically. My daughter falling in love with a good man and building a life with him wasn’t a tragedy. But maybe some small, stubborn part of me had mistaken change for another loss. And maybe I needed to remember they weren’t the same thing.
By the time I finally dragged myself out of bed, I still wasn’t completely at peace with everything. But I felt steadier than I had yesterday. Progress is progress, and I’ll take it.
Desi and Josh were up bright and early, so I guessed they hadn’t spent the night with his parents after all. Part of me wondered if they had taken the news any better than I had. I was still upset with those eager lovebirds, but Sophia had been right. This was my daughter’s dream, and she was probably feeling on top of the world right now. Plus, I’d promised to support her decision. It was probably time I started acting like it.
I found her in the kitchen. “Take a ride with me.”
She looked surprised, but smiled immediately. “Okay.”
Neither of us said much on the way to Gilbert Gardens, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It rarely was with Desi.
I parked near the splash park across from Dub’s place, and she glanced around curiously. “Why here?”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Because you grew up here.”
Her expression softened as we stepped onto the familiar walking path. The splash park was one of the few neighborhood staples that hadn’t changed. Whenever I came back to Gilbert Gardens, I could always count on it and the Arboretum being exactly where I left them.
“I remember the first time we took you to the splash park,” I said.
“When was that?”
“Oh … You were teeny tiny then. You enjoyed it just as much back then as you do now.”
She grinned. “Good to know I’ve been consistent.”
I smiled to myself, thinking back to a few weeks ago when we were there last. A different season of life. A different little person running headfirst into chaos. Same joy.
Further down the path, I pointed toward a familiar stretch of sidewalk in front of our old house. “Remember how you refused to ride your bike?”
Desi frowned. “I rode my bike.”
“You were sitting on it and walking at the same time.”
“And yet I got where I was going.”
“That’s not the point.”
She shrugged. “It still worked.”
I shook my head. Being technically correct was one of her most annoying qualities.
Seeing our old house again brought back so many fond memories.
“You know what I miss?” I asked.
“What?”
“Living next door to Less.”
She got doe-eyed. “Aww, me too. The triplets were so chaotic.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Were?“
“Okay…” She grinned. “They still are.”
I smiled. “You guys were like a little posse. If I found one of you, I knew the others couldn’t be far away.”
It had been loud, messy, constant, and exhausting at times, yet somehow some of my favorite years. That’s another cruel thing about parenthood. Nobody tells you which moments are the important ones. They don’t announce themselves, and they hide inside ordinary days like movie nights, school projects, and backyard barbecues. Then one day your daughter gets married, and suddenly your brain decides watching her sit on a bike and walk down a sidewalk was somehow sacred.
I glanced over at Desi as she walked beside me. She looked happy. Comfortable. Certain. Exactly like someone who had just married the love of her life should be. Maybe that’s why all of this had hit me so hard. I wasn’t losing my daughter. I was watching her become exactly who we’d raised her to be.
Eventually, I took a breath. “I’m still very much upset with you.”
Her smile faded.
“If you and Josh ever have children, you’ll understand exactly why and what you took from us.”
I let the words settle between us.
“But I didn’t bring you out here to yell at you.”
“What did you bring me out here for?” she asked softly.
“To talk.”
“About what?”
“Anything you want.” I glanced over at her. “I mean, I have a few questions, but they can wait.”
She looked puzzled.
“We’re probably not going to hang out like this much anymore,” I said.
The surprise on her face caught me off guard. Not because she disagreed. It probably hadn’t occurred to her. And honestly, why would it? She was busy following her heart and building a future. I was the one trying to make peace with the past.
“Daddy…”
“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “Things change. They already have.”
For a moment, neither of us spoke. Then she bumped my shoulder lightly.
“So what are your questions?”
I smiled. “We’ll get there.”
And for the first time since she’d announced she was married, I felt like we actually would.
