After yoga, I grabbed Tofu and went for our morning jog. On our return, I saw Dad on the porch. Before I could get too excited, I also heard our guests fighting again! The nerve of these sims! I called him away while letting Tofu in the house.
“What in the world is going on in there?” he asked.
“Can we go somewhere?”
He nodded, warily.
“You hungry?” he asked.
“Not really, but let’s eat if you are. I can’t go back in there.”
I took him to Viviana’s which was an easy 15-minute walk. On the way, I filled him in on all the drama. When we arrived, the host sat us pretty quickly, and the server took our orders just as fast.
“So,” Dad said, hesitantly, “she still doesn’t know why they’re fighting?”
“If she knows, she’s not telling me about it. And that’s fine, I guess. It’s really none of our business. But…”
“That’s true. It’s clearly something serious. Still weird why they’re at your house, though.”
“Yeah…”
A question I’d been pondering all week burned a hole in my mouth, and I had to let it out.
“Dad? Did you and Mama ever fight like this? I don’t remember.”
I rarely asked him about their relationship for fear of making him upset. But he had been doing much better recently, so hopefully he was ready to talk because I could not take my question back.
He took a quick breath and glanced at the table for a second.
“We never fought. I guess…”
He cleared his throat.
“I guess that’s why the whole situation was so jarring. One day we were happy and having a fun family beach day, and the next I’m finding another place to live.”
He shook his head toward the ceiling, rolling his eyes, and I feared I’d unintentionally sent him back to that place. I should have kept my question to myself.
But he recovered and continued. I was so relieved.
“We’ve fought a few times after everything happened, but your mom was always good about keeping it away from you guys. We only slipped up once, and it was my fault.”
“Less’ birthday on Harvestfest?” I asked.
“Yep. Definitely not my finest moment.”
That might have been the first time I ever heard him take responsibility for anything related to the divorce. Not saying he played the victim or anything, because anyone would support him blaming everything on her. Honestly, he rarely spoke of it, so I never heard him say anything positive or negative.
“Can I ask something else?”
Figured I’d get permission that time in case he wasn’t ready.
“Of course, son. Ask me anything you want.”
Believe it or not, I’d never received that invitation from him before. I loved seeing him make progress.
“How do you think things would be now if it never happened?”
I thought he’d take a few more moments to think about it, but he dove right in.
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, actually. It’s been a tough question to answer because it forces me to think about where I went wrong.”
My head jerked back.
“You?”
“Yes, me. Even in situations like this, no one person can take 100% of the blame. Your mom will blame herself until she dies, but I know it’s not all her fault now.”
“But she…”
I didn’t quite know how to finish that sentence, but he knew.
“We got married way too fast. One night, we were talking about our feelings, and I told her she was my soulmate, and she just ran away with that. She wanted to get married like the next day, but I wanted to spend more time getting to know her. I tried to convince her, but…well, she always gets what she wants. I wanted to please her, so I agreed.”
At least their stories add up. Mama told me a similar story right before vacation. My whole life, my parents always appeared to be on the same page. Even now, in their estrangement, they’re still on the same page. It’s really quite sad things couldn’t work out. They’ve been such a good team.
“But…what would dating longer change?” I asked. “She was still in love with that guy.”
“That’s true. But maybe I would have known about him earlier. There were so many conversations we never had because she thought it would be fun to discover things along the way. If we dated longer, I’m sure my insecurities about her money would have come up. We could have figured out how to work through all these things. Or…maybe we wouldn’t have gotten married. Who knows.”
If they wouldn’t have gotten married, I wouldn’t be here. So many things would be different. I quickly threw that thought away.
“So if you were still married, you think you’d still end up fighting about stuff?”
“Definitely. Every couple fights. You and your sister fight. Fighting is part of every relationship, just like loving and sharing. Honestly, I think the fact that we never fought should have been a clue that something wasn’t right.
I always thought no fighting was a good sign. There was so much I needed to learn. I definitely needed to spend time with him more often.
“Luca… I need to ask… How has all this affected you? You’re a man now, and I’m sure you have young ladies in your life. I’d hate to know our failings caused you to view relationships in a bad light.”
I inhaled deeply as I prepared to voice my feelings for the first time.
“Honestly, I want to be with someone. But I have concerns. Relationships are not for me right now.”
I paused as I thought about the advice Mama gave me: Have fun, but take this time seriously; Figure out what I want my life to look like and find someone who fits; Don’t settle until I find her; Make sure she is the one person I can’t live without; “One and done,” she said, heh. She also warned love and strong attraction often feel the same, so I need to be honest about how I feel to recognize the difference. I appreciated all her advice because it resonated deeply. But reconnecting with Maira seems to threaten the execution of this plan because…well… Okay…I’m just going to admit it. I’m attracted to her.
“But,” I continued, “things are complicated now. I ran into this girl I used to like. We’ve been hanging out, and it’s been fun and casual, but how long can it stay like that? Who’s gonna stick around until I’m ready?”
I saw a tiny smile on Dad’s face.
“You’re so mature. It’s a good thing you know this about yourself and are taking your time. I know from experience nothing good ever comes from rushing. But you’re right…most girls won’t wait for you, but the right one will.”
Once again, my parents were in sync. I previously thought there wouldn’t be a point in them getting back together at this stage. I rescind that statement because it’s so clear they belong together. But I’m not a child anymore and won’t hope for that because it’s never happening…but it could.
